red

In All Humility

2006-12-31T07:23:00.000+13:00

I was young and naïve.
I spoke in request of fame and riches, but God reminded me of the breath that He was already giving me,
"Request for the right things and riches and fame will follow."
He spoke and I trembled,
The things of this world were not to be of priority.

I learnt of Solomon and the favour he received.
I spoke in request of wisdom, so He gave me a problem,
"Wisdom shall find you when you solve this problem."
He spoke and I trembled,
The responsibility was on me.

The problem was tough and I could not bear its weight on my own.
I spoke in request of strength yet He added more difficulty to my problem,
"Strength shall find you when you conquer the fears that restrain you."
He spoke and I trembled,
It was on me to rise above my own past.

I felt as if I had been sowing but not reaping any good fruit.
I spoke in request of the faith to endure, but He added more little details to my problem,
"Faith shall find you when you look instead at the bigger picture, and focus on the glory at the end."
He spoke and I trembled,
It was not merely my faith - my attitude and mindset sure needed topping up too.

I comforted myself saying, "It will be fine, in His time."
I spoke in request of patience and He added yet another time delay to when my problem would be solved,
"Patience shall find you when you realise I am not in the business of months nor minutes."
He spoke and I trembled,
Time was not to be a factor, it was my relationship with Him that would make the difference.

I saw the need of fulfilling relationships that would uphold me along my journey.
I spoke in request of love, so He placed me amongst people who were unlovable, rejected and hurt,
"Love is but to have compassion; seek compassion and you will know no end to love."
He spoke and I trembled,
It was not about people upholding me, but how I was prepared to uphold the "least of these".

I found it very challenging to focus my energy on others, especially those who were different from me.
I spoke in request of selflessness and He allowed for my problem to push me beyond my comfort zone,
"Selflessness shall find you when you learn to stop making excuses to love and extend compassion."
He spoke and I trembled,
Jesus had made no excuse when dying on the cross for my neighbour and I.

Everywhere I go, I would think – I would try to seek and do His will.
But never has He once told me what to do,
"I speak only the truth. It is for you to decide what you shall do."
He would speak and I would tremble,
In all humility.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

I felt compelled to compose this because I did not know how else to express my impatience with God.
So I set out to vent my frustration, but once again, God punctuated me,
"Through My Son, you have all you need to overcome and emerge in radiant glory."
He spoke and I trembled,
Every decision is an opportunity.

Gloria In Exelsis Deo

probability amplitude

2006-09-13T15:10:00.000+12:00

In quantum mechanics, a probability amplitude is a complex-valued function that describes an uncertain or unknown quantity.

Jian taught me a quantum mechanic equation which describes my predicament exactly: the state of being both here and not here at the same time.

I just got an interview from UNSW for medicine. It was my dream last year. and well, although it still is quite a dream to do med at UNSW, coming to Dunedin has made me reconsider that.

this year here has been simply exhilarating. exhilarating. what a weird word, but i think that kinda sums it up - all the good and the bad - i have had my fun; i have learnt my lessons (or so i'd like to think).

it's not the place, i'd like to emphasize, but the people; the friends i have found. each one so unique, so special, so dear, has just touched my life in ways i can't find the words to describe... this year will be well cherished, wherever i may be.

don't ask me where i want to be, for my heart lies torn inbetween. and like the "ditch" that seperates sydney and dunedin, it runs deep...

... but only as deep as God would allow. and in this decision, as with all others, i guess i only want God's will to be done, whatever it may be.

i should be content with what i have recieved, and i guess i'm learning... all that i have has only come by the grace of God, and what am i to ask for more?

i just pray that when God closes doors, if He should, that He would open more...

it's a half-half probability between the two, but in this time, i just wanna soak up the feeling of being at two places at once. i love you both.

P.S. i don't exactly know why i'm writing about this at this time... in all honesty, it's not affecting me that much at this point... i think x(

Bashing though the snow

2006-09-11T22:20:00.000+12:00

Dennis and Marcus just bashed through Bio and Physics!!

And Jian is very disappointed by their lack of effort...

Love,
Jian

the face of dennis..

2006-08-30T22:53:00.000+12:00

hehe, stef is here.. feel my POWER..

have you realised that there are no pics on this blog, so, if you were wondering.. hmmm who is this first july person? and what does he look like?

does he look like this?

or this

or this?
or this?
or this?

the correct answer is...

E) All of the above

la la la....
stef :P

don't cry.

2006-08-29T21:24:00.000+12:00

it will all be alright...

God is with you. He is, He is.

Blur

2006-08-26T18:09:00.000+12:00

Dennis feels very blur today.

Haha. =) Aww.

-Marcus

just beyond all measure....

2006-08-02T14:16:00.000+12:00

i just spent my entire afternoon studying. anatomy to be precise.

and in all that time, i merely got through 2 lectures. but i must qualify myself: the human body is just the most amazing ever! i have stopped so often while studying just to go WOW! how great is God who created me, who knows me - even my inner most being; every muscle, every tendon, every bone, every fibre, every joint. literally and even metaphorically!

the hands of my clock spin round in circles

2006-08-02T08:16:00.000+12:00

so, dennis decided that he would be a good boy and try to do something about his sleeping habits. suffering from DSS a.k.a. Dennis Sleep Syndrome (not getting up until past lunch everyday) is not something which is very pleasant. messes everything up, it does.

anyhow, dennis was determined. he even went to sleep early for once, setting his alarm clock so early that he knew if SNOOZE was activated, he would still get up in time.

he slept. not a very good sleep but thank God for rest. i think my matress is too soft >.<

anyway, the moment of truth finally came.

RINGGGGG!!!
SNOOZE
RINGGGGG!!!
SNOOZE
RINGGGGG!!!
SNOOZE
(repeat a few more times)

but eventually, out from the nice cozy sheets, a warrior emerged from his biological-need war, victorious. i think i deserve a prize for this.

for once, he actually manage to get into the shower while there was still hot water available. i think it starts to run out about 10ish. and get something to eat. Mum would be so happy!

and so, feeling very accomplished thus far, dennis embarked on his journey towards the dreadful St David Lecture Theatre. whistling and singing a few tunes, he got there in no time at all. it was great to be up this early in the morning! everything was such a calm. no rush, no hurry. peace, serenity.

peace? serenity? wait. why is it soooo quiet?!

dennis made history.

WHERE IS EVERYONE?!

he woke up for a lecture which wasn't on.

according to thy will, i pray

2006-08-01T19:27:00.000+12:00

i just realised that http://firstjuly.blogspot.com/ looks different when view from different browsers like IE or Firefox. not too happy 'bout it, but ah wells!

been going through heaps of stuff regarding application back to aussie unis lately. quite messy with all these different dates and things i've got to submit for this and that. above that though, i'm not quite sure where i want to be next year or like what's best for me... lots of fixed feelings about everything. not enjoyable.

i'm happy that the first aid course i did back in aussie is recognised here though! so glad, thank God i don't have to do it again! really hoping that i get my community services card application approved as well. it's really about time i got it. haha. yes.

relationships and the whole idea of them are starting to bug me again. it's still a really hard concept for me to grasp. like even friendships bring along so many complications i'm not quite sure how i'm to respond to anything anymore. pretty sure i won't actually like to wake up one day to find myself without any friends, but yeah. gah. i don't know. really sorry if i've hurt you...

At the Cross Hillsong Live Worship

Oh Lord You’ve searched me,
You know my way;
Even when I fail You,
I know You love me.

Your holy presence
Surrounding me 
In every season,
I know You love me;
I know You love me.

At the cross I bow my knee,
Where Your blood was shed for me,
There’s no greater love than this.
You have overcome the grave,
Your glory fills the highest place,
What can separate me now?

You go before me,
You shield my way,
Your hand upholds me;
I know You love me.

And when the earth fades,
Falls from my eyes,
And You stand before me,
I know You love me;
I know You love me.

You tore the veil, You made a way
When You said that it is done.

Heal

2006-07-31T22:23:00.000+12:00

Whee.

Dennis is having fun studying HEAL.

Dennis had fun changing his blog template. It has red elements. Mmm. Red. The colour of love. Whee.

-Marcus

waiting....

2006-07-31T00:26:00.000+12:00

i just realised how inadequate/useless/incapable/powerless i can be in certain situations.

but praise God for the things i can still manage,
and thank Him for being there at all other times.

Here I am waiting
Abide in me I pray
Here I am longing
For You
Hide me in Your love
Bring me to my knees
May I know Jesus
More and more

Come live in me
All my life
Take over
Come breathe in me
I will rise
On eagles wings

...still waiting.

plehhh

2006-07-29T23:42:00.000+12:00

haven't blogged much at all.

hols were quite eventful. singapore, KL and ICMDA student conference were really great. a bit too short though - i'm still in that holiday mood despite having had 2 exams since i've been back. it's really horrible. i'm becoming so lazy.

argh. anyway, i'm sorry if i've been quite out of it lately. mind's actually been working a lot, thinking abt heaps even though i'm like how lazy. yeah. don't know if all this is good though. need to start sorting things out up there and like yeah, start work seriously.

ummm. started ceroc classes.

come for international outreach! 7pm on 12aug @ Elim Christian Centre on Harrow Street. you can't miss this opportunity to see me act. ha! http://whatsthepoint2006.blogspot.com/

hmmm. this post has no cohesion or coherence at all. no wonder i nearly failed my english exam x(

2006-07-07T17:22:00.000+12:00

dennis is back from singapore!! (:
he reached home about 10pm yesternight.
& boy didn't he enjoy himself in singapore.
he met up with jo, ade, ching, ivan and me!! (:
take care ok dennis? (:
come back as often as you like.
i'm sure all of us will love to play host to you. heh.

-rah

thank you

2006-07-01T06:04:00.000+12:00

you can never mistake an angel when you see one =)

I am not forgotten
I am not forgotten
I am not forgotten
He knows my name

light over darkeness
strength over weakness
joy over sadness
He knows my name

father to the fatherless
friend to the friendless
hope for the hopeless
He knows my name

I am not forgotten
I am not forgotten
I am not forgotten
He knows my name

hillsong music australia 2006

and does anyone take notice

2006-06-24T03:32:00.000+12:00

abstract thoughts have been clouding my mind.

as i told allele the other day, i come to this page quite a bit but never seem to have anything to blog about coz everything's just so abstract, and this painted canvas feels like such a big mess. i try to think of it as a beautiful mess though - or however abstract paintings find their worth. but i think this canvas has been overly stretched for the frame it is taking. it bends in if you poke it and if you do so at the center, you shall realise how flaccid this canvas has become. will the oil crack and crumble, or will this canvas hold and become a masterpiece for the glory of its artist?

resolve.

my grandfather just passed away,
and i have a million things i wish i could say.
amongst them, three words run over,
"i love you".

____________________________________

thanks jo and sarah for the entries. ya. in a bit of a mess and i don't know what to say right now, but i really appreciate that you two still come by. love ya both heaps.

2006-06-24T00:16:00.000+12:00

sarah low. are you on drugs?

anw, dont give him a pink cow. he has one already. haha

-jo.

announcement

2006-06-23T14:33:00.000+12:00

hello world!
sarah here.
haha. i promised dennis that i would log in once in a while and post something!
and i haven't been keeping that promise now have i?
anyone knows when dennis is coming back to singapore again?
haha. oh yes. AND DENNIS' 18TH BIRTHDAY IS COMING SOON YES?
THE FIRST OF JULY
a day to celebrate!! (:
please let's celebrate it with him.
give him a cow. give him a cow with pink patches that produces strawberry milk?
wish dennis happy birthday on that day yes?
i'll be back again on your birthday to haunt you mr dennis chan!!
we all love dennis!!
and yes to jo. dennis is a worm

-sarah

2006-06-23T04:14:00.000+12:00

dennis is a worm. yay (:
-jo.

resist bad, shall we?

2006-06-12T00:00:00.000+12:00

everyone is easily influenced.

we don't realise it, but the ads all around, the jingles that get stuck in our heads, the music that we listen to, the stuff our friends talk about, the words that have been spoken over our lives, the names that we have been called, the way our parents treat their parents, the way our parents treat us. oh, they shape us. more than you know.

and i'm sure the devil is trying as hard as God to be the primary influence in our lives.

peace

2006-06-11T14:05:00.000+12:00

i'm supposed to be studying more than anything right now, but i just feel so compelled to put up a post. not that everyone's been asking me to do so coz it's not like i'm succumbing to pressure or anything, but yeah... i just feel that so much has gone on in the past couple of months, and really, i am but in awe of what God has done in me.

for who would have expected that i would come to dunedin? man! and really, who would have expected me to stay even after i got an offer from adelaide, asking me to go there asap? MAN!

i can't even remember what i wrote in my last entry, but when i was given the choice of staying here with a year of uncertainty with regards to med, or go straight to adelaide for it, there wasn't some magical moment or loud voice from heaven saying, "Dennis, you belong here," or anything - but that's really how i feel right now. and blow me away, coz God just let His peace rest and settle upon me, even at that point when it seemed so bizarre that i would choose to "waste" a year in NZ, if you know what i mean.

i now know better - for things don't just happen for no reason and surely, God has been faithful in all His ways. here in dunedin, He has certainly blessed me in so many ways... indeed, many are the wonders that the Lord, my God, has done for me in all things that he has planned. And i can't even start to recount them for if i were to speak and tell of them, there would be too many to declare.

and so, sing with me, "HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!" for He is most excellent in all the heavens and all the earth. and no longer am i the same person than when i first came across the tasman. for love has stretched out further and deeper, beyond anything i would have imagined or expected. and now, love has transformed this poor man, from rags to riches, as they say. and do not stop me, for i shall continue boasting about the goodness that have come from the gracious hand of the Almighty. esp, when it comes to the friends i have blessed with, oh, bless the name of the LORD!

in the words of TS Eliot, "You do not know how much they mean to me, my friends, and how, how rare and strange it is, to find in a life composed so much of odds and ends... to find a friend who has these qualities, who has, and gives those qualities upon which friendship lives. How much it means that I say this to you -without these friendships - life, what cauchemar!"

i love you all =) esp you zoes.

and not forgetting everyone else i know as well, cumbie people and esp those from OCF - praise the Lord for His goodness! i really can't imagine now what i'd be without all you guys....

i know, it's quite a weird post at quite a weird time coz of exams, but the joy is just overflowing at this point. haha. oh wells! it's all good =) praise the Lord!

God won't ask how many friends you had, He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

for co

2006-05-30T22:42:00.000+12:00

another song.
all glory to God =)

I can’t find the words to speak my heart
It’s been muted by the world around
I want a better life – I don’t like the way I’m going now

But you call me by name
You whisper “Child, I love you. Won’t you come back to me?”

Yes, I'll run
Back into your arms
Where I belong
Where I'm safe
Where I’m safe and sound
Where peace abounds
Coz I can’t go on without your love

I can’t find the words to speak my heart
I can’t believe that I’ve failed you again
I want a better life – I don’t like sliding back all the time

But you call me by name
You whisper “Child, I love you. Won’t you come back to me?”

Yes, I'll run
Back into your arms
Where I belong
Where I'm safe
Where I’m safe and sound
Where peace abounds
Coz I can’t go on without your love

Such mercy I can’t explain
Such love that knows no bounds
Oh Lord, I trust you now

But you call me by name
You whisper “Child, I love you. Won’t you come back to me?”

Yes, I'll run
Back into your arms
Where I belong
Where I'm safe
Where I’m safe and sound
Where peace abounds
Coz I can’t go on without your love

gone

2006-05-21T18:07:00.000+12:00

Yesterday slips through the gaps between my fingers
But somehow the past still lingers
And history wonders
With questions of possibilities without answers

Have I faith enough to stand this hour
Am I strong enough to rise this hour

I watch and I wait
Have I told her “I love you”
Will I ever get a chance to
Before time forces me to bid adieu

Tomorrow awaits this day that resists
For permanence to settle down
Where will I place my next step
Or have my steps already decided that for me

Tears they flow no more
But groans they echo within
Hear oh do you not
Or is it I who has to be convinced

Look
Look into my eyes and see
The truth that’s on the inside of me
For I struggle without you beside
I am lost without a guide

Have I faith enough to stand this hour
Am I strong enough to rise this hour

Please
Alone I want not to be
Hasten your steps and come to me
Now this very hour
Now this very hour

made for him

2006-04-30T16:16:00.000+12:00

Praise God! =) my newest song...

Made for This Day

I will walk where you lead
Step out of the boat if you call my name
To walk on water

I will shout your name wherever I go
Let the world know who I am in you
By the way I love

Coz yesterday is dead and gone
And I know I'm covered for tomorrow

So I’ll live for today
Seeking your kingdom and righteousness
I’ll follow your way
In all that I think, do and say
Lord, I know I’m made for this day
Send me, Oh Lord, I pray

I will conquer all things in your name
Even slay the biggest of giants
With your power in my hand

Coz yesterday is dead and gone
And I know I'm covered for tomorrow

So I’ll live for today
Seeking your kingdom and righteousness
I’ll follow your way
In all that I think, do and say
Lord, I know I’m made for this day
Send me, Oh Lord, I pray

Coz without you, it’ll all be in vain
Don’t waste this hour, show me where to scatter your seeds
Reaching out to all those in need

Coz yesterday is dead and gone
And I know I'm covered for tomorrow

So I’ll live for today
Seeking your kingdom and righteousness
I’ll follow your way
In all that I think, do and say
Lord, I know I’m made for this day
Send me, Oh Lord, I pray
Send me, Oh Lord, this day
Send me, Oh Lord, today

ivan, here's for you

2006-04-27T22:28:00.000+12:00

social hazard

2006-03-03T14:39:00.000+13:00

helloo everyboday! so yes, i'm in new zealand now. the sheepish land of sheep. yes. -bahhh- can you believe there are more sheep than people in this country?! i even saw some houses with sheep in their garden! like pets or something....

anyway, i'm in a little town called dunedin which is really in a corner of the globe (i'm serious), but it's quite awesome here really. uni's not starting off too badly, just that there's a lot of work. i like the buildings and the facilities, very flash. the weather's very erratic though. the sky can't even decide whether it wants to rain or not! it rains for like 5mins and then stops for 10 before continuing again in a similar pattern. not too good also coz it's like early march but it's starting to get really cold. like it's coming under 10degrees now -brrrr- the winds are also so strong that you have to practically fight to get through them. i guess i'll have to get used to it.

but going on... God's been really awesome to me. like really really. when i first got here, i didn't have a permanent place to stay yet so i had to live with this couple, their baby and their pets (thankfully not sheep) up on this hill. oh, kiwi's can build houses anywhere i tell you. even on the steepest slopes, you see stilts and everything. and it's stupid, dunedin's got like the world's steepest street which people have died going up on. but anyway! i had been trying for more than a week to get accommodation for myself walking round, looking and flats and what not. and i could go on and on, but to cut the long story short, i got a place in like one of the most ideal locations. near the city, the uni and the med library =D

and oh, i'm not doing medicine here btw. it's like a pre-med course with all the basic medical sciences and i only get into medicine here if i do well this year. but anyhow, this med school thing's another miracle. you see, last week, i called up the university of adelaide to check if i still had a chance of getting into medicine there when the lady was like "hold on." and i get on for quite a while coz she took a pretty long time. but when she came back she was like "just for verification could i have your application number," and after i gave it to her she was like, "OKAY, you're actually next on our waiting list and i have just got word that someone's JUST pulled out... so i can make you an offer for medicine right now," and my jaw dropped.

it's like i've been praying all this while and as time went on i was beginning to lose hope, but then God in all His faithfulness came back with the blessing, making it seem so much sweeter than it could have ever been. hahah. i was with jessica and janice, two singaporean sisters i met here, when i got that offer and you could ask them, i was just dumbfounded by how God had worked. quickly then found a verse and praised the Lord:

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods. [a]

Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.
Psalm 40:1-5

how mightly awesome it was, praise God!

anyhow, i got the offer for medicine at adelaide, but fortunately or unfortunately, due to various reasons and the circumstances, i'll only start that in 2007. so this year, i'll still be doing my medical science here at the university of otago, and who knows, i may just get medicine here as well! hahah. hopefully, i get unsw as well, if i do a better UMAT this year. that'll be so much better.

anyhow, i'll blog again sometime soon i guess. needa go do my reading or i'll be so dead for my coming lectures. if there's anything, just drop me an email. i will reply. hahah. God bless!

and oh yes. please do this for me as well: http://kevan.org/johari?name=firstjuly =) thank youu

damage done

2006-01-22T00:07:00.000+13:00

Yesterday
Once again
I fell down and broke a friend
Words were said
Out of place
I hope that it's not too late
To right this wrong
Cause I was wrong

I struck the match
I burned the bridge
I'm to blame for all of it
I lost your trust
When I drew my sword
This distance is my just reward
Can I undo
The damage done

Couldn't sleep
Part of me
Was crying out from hurting you
So afraid
You would say
There is nothing I can do
To right this wrong
I was wrong

Listen friend
I must confess
You deserved more
I gave you less
It tears me up
That I let you down
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

the repugnant rusted realm of reality

2006-01-20T07:54:00.000+13:00

from slumber, this blogger hopes he has awakened to sustain this blog once again. that none shall come to find an entry from weeks past rotting away. rawrr

alright. to those of you who've actually bothered to come by and visit this page while nothing new was being posted up, thank you and also, sorry for not doing much with this thing.

i could blame business and the long list of things i had to do, but i guess one of the reasons why i became to lazy to blog is because i've been quite listless and lost, struck by the sinister spell of confusion and worst of all, a complicated cloud of clutter. none of which i can explain or comprehend myself, so yes, please try not to ask? (unless of course you want a blank look from me)

anyhow. it's been a long time since i blogged and so it's been a long time since i've typed out a praise list as well. so yes, God be praised for...
the interview at monash that i thought went really well
the unbelivable results i got for the HSC
the wonderous UAI i recieved
the ticket for the flight back to singapore on 27dec and for the flight itself
allowing me to meet with ivan and jane
allowing me to meet all my other friends here in singapore
allowing me to make so many new friends crashing ACJC (Scream rocks every fibre i have man)
for the uni offers, although they aren't really what i want

yeah... i didn't get offered medicine in the first round of offers by any university. so that's been quite a bummer for me. except that my dad's been really really nice about it. had a really wonderful chat with him after i got the results, and thank God for allowing that conversation that i must say, not only strengthened me but made us closer. praise God, i love my dad. and my mum too. lol. now i'm really hoping for a second or third round offer man. if not, i think it's new zealand for me already. but yeah... medicine it will be, no matter how i get there. unless of course, divine intervention finds its way. hahah.

okay. ummm. yes. i think i should be going soon coz i'm gonna be meeting tng ying in a while for lunch (like finally! hahah) yeahh. maybe i'll update again later today or tmr. take care, my friends! (:

being visible isn't always a requirement for being friends... it just takes some thoughfulness and concern to keep the bond

surely people grow apart, but it may only be on the surface. i'm sure they'll still be there for you when you're in need

thank you

M-ade

2005-12-12T23:47:00.000+13:00

i thought the interview at adelaide went really really great and yes, thank God for that (: just hope the one at monash this wednesday goes even better. haha yeah...

besides all the interviews and preparation for it, i've also been packing up and clearing out all my things. practically been through everything i have. hahah. it's quite an experience... took me 3days. hehh.

anyhow, HSC and UAI results are also coming out this week. not sure if i really want them though. and it's scary how i could actually be going back to singapore so soon... not that i don't wanna go, but it's just that i don't wanna leave either. oh wells, hopefully everything goes well and i get my flight back. really really really want to be there for the OC camp. i just realised i haven't been to a church camp in ages. mann.... hmmm, the last time was probably 2years ago. gosh! haha.

but anyway, do keep me in your prayers, everyone! hahaha. for my interview at monash, for my results and for going back to singapore too. yes yes. and i just realised how soon christmas is as well. gah. i've been quite detached =/

"Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do," says the LORD Almighty, "I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won't have enough room to take it in! Try it! Let me prove it to you!" Mal 3:10 (NLT)

Lord, have your way in me

2005-12-08T01:26:00.000+13:00

if you read this, please please please pray for my interview for medicine at the university of adelaide on thursday morning? thank you so much.... God bless!

"Everything is possible for him who believes"
Mark 9:23

must i cry everyday?!!

2005-12-05T00:37:00.000+13:00

and so it goes something like that...

Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me..." (Matt 16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 9:23)

1) deny myself
2) take up my cross daily
3) follow you

now Lord, that's easy

ehh

2005-12-03T02:17:00.000+13:00

okay okay okay. it's time for some random news once again.. (:

but first of all, thank God that i passed that first aid course! haha. don't think anyone could really fail. but still, thank God! and oh, i read through samuel's blog the other day, he's now got a masters in first aid with first class honours. whoa. praise God! how's that for pro (; lol

hahah. alright... let's see.

i think i created a guinness world record. yes. okay, got it checked on the official site and there's no such entry - yet. but yes. i think i could get the guinness world record forr "the most number of tic-tac-toe games in one sitting". yes, not much point, i know. but hey, all i did was sit down in front of the computer for 2hrs to complete 100 rounds. hahaha. XOXOXOX =b

hmmm. a day last week, a i did was literally eat and sleep. yes - it's not impossible. hahaha. i got up at something like 4pm, went out for dinner where 5bowls of rice and 3bowls of noodles disappeared down my gullet, came home and slept again. now, how's that for a PIG. lol
___________

that bit above has been sitting as a draft for a number of days now. as you can tell, i'm not really inclined to finish it. so yes. lol

and the lame shall walk once again

2005-11-24T22:09:00.000+13:00

my leg's getting better and i'm starting to walk again! haha. thank God (: still limping arnd a little, but at least it doesn't hurt as much anymore.. yup yup!

went down to sit by the harbour at the Rocks yesterday while waiting for my mum to finish with her lunch appointment and that was really nice (: just sitting there, enjoying the sun, the breeze and the really nice songs that the buskers were playing. hahaha. yeah... watching people as they walked by, office people sitting around to have lunch, the birds as they flew over and around while boats docked, with others starting off. i just found that really peaceful and enjoyable. hahaha. having my own little quiet time while so much activity was going on around me.

no doubt, it really feels great to be on holidays now, but then again, it's just weird coz i've got uni at the back of my mind and i'm starting to worry what it'll be like, what might actually happen in the future. and sometimes i think i'm just being too paranoid, but i don't know...

oh, i'm back to being nocturnal. my bedtime's something like 5am-2pm right now. hehe.

anyway, this house is having 3 consecutive birthdays in 3 days. today was my mum's; we had a little party with some of her friends over. tmr will be my cousin's gradmother (from the other side) who came along with my visiting cousin, and then the day after, is my brother, jason's birthday. so yeah! lots of cake. heheh.

yup! gonna be going for a first aid course over the next 2 days as well. gonna have to get myself certified again in preparation for med school, if (Lord, I pray) I get in. haha yeah... my previous cert expired like 3years ago or something and i've also forgotten most of it anyway. so yes. two full days of that.

listened to the sermons on bgr that mel guay recommended as well (available here - 22/29oct). really quite interesting. and also, helping to prepare the devotions for theOC camp which has "love" for it's theme, has gotten me thinking quite a bit on this whole thing. what is love, anyway? hahah. yeah... anyhow, i came across this passage in the Bible, and i'm really quite captivated by it:

Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like the very flame of the LORD.
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
he would be utterly scorned.
Song of Solomon 8:6-7

... is there nothing stronger than love?

did you know, you really make me smile (:

2005-11-21T12:49:00.000+13:00

whaa. it's been quite some time since i've last updated eh? lol.

well, i'm currently lame. kinda fell on my own left ankle so now it's sprained quite badly... can't even walk x( but yes. i was kinda like having these really mean thoughts abt this guy prior to my fall, and i only realised how bad i was after falling down and all. so yes, God, i hear you. wahahahha.

but yeah. mel says i'm really fragile. and i think there's quite a bit of truth in that statement. i've now sprained both left and right thumbs, right knee and left ankle together with my fractured my right arm and my 2 slipped discs. meh. besides swimming, i'm kinda barred from all other sport... even running and jumping gets me really bad headaches x(

BUT. it's not really as bad as it sounds, really. it's really annoying and frustrating and times. however, i've come to embrace (thank God) my slipped discs, the one continiously on-going pain for me - not as a weakness that disables me physically, but as an emptiness in my spiritual life that God can fill. trust me, it kinda sucks not being able to participate in a lot of things, but through that, i guess i've learnt how God really uplifts and comforts...

having this weakness has made me realise my vulnerability and more so, my real incapability to actually help myself, without God. it's like a blessing in disguise coz i really think that it's helped built my character, something that'll last forever, though my body, which shall eventually perish, has to bear so much agony in the meantime.

so yes, that's how i stand with God on that issue really. but i do have to admit: this current sprain, it's actually a result of me playing soccer, something i really shouldn't have been be doing. heh. but i guess we all learn! lol.

ooooh anyhow. holidays holidays and i've been up to quite a bit of stuff. been helping out here and there with theOC camp, written my CV, applied to the Universtiy of Otago, attended a marketing and a public relations talk, gone for an amatuer radio course and gained my amateur radio license, erm.... driven once. hahaha. recorded a few of my songs, written a few more, read quite a bit, done a few Bible studies and yeah! hahah. been spending quite a bit of time chatting with various ppl online as well, pretty cool (:

so yeah. that's just the past 2weeks. gonna have to start preapring for my interviews soon. they're both really soon (thanks for asking auntymich!)...

University of Adelaide on 8 Dec, and
Monash University on 14 Dec.

please, everyone, please pray for me? i'm gonna need as much of it as i can get. and like yeah... hopefully i get a commonwealth-supported place (CSP) as well, or it might just cost too much. a full-fee place at monash costs something like AU$32000/year on tuition alone. so yeah... i'm really praying for a CSP somewhere. lol. yeah...

oh oh! please help pray with me again, i'm really hoping for another interview offer from the University of Western Australia... they're supposed to be out in mid Nov, but i haven't heard of anyone who's got them yet, and so everyday i'm just waiting for the postman to bring good news. lol. getting it might really increase my chances of getting into medicine in the first place, so yes.

anyway, gotta start preapring for band practice now. gosh, don't even know how i'm gonna be getting arnd for the next few days... ah! can't even limp properly so i've actually been crawling arnd the house or like sliding here and there on the roller chair. OH WELLS, thank God it's all good... just help pray that it'll recover soon alright? thank you all! God bless (:

i really mean it when i say, "thank you"

2005-11-10T01:34:00.000+13:00

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

1 John 4:7-12

walkabout

2005-11-08T01:28:00.000+13:00

not a day goes by
rick price
Not a day goes by
When darling I don't think of you
Not a day goes by
When I don't wonder why
I don't hear from you
So is this goodbye

helloo everybody! man. i haven't blogged much in ages, it's kinda whacky, really. hahah. yes.

for starters, exams are over!!! think i went pretty alright. just hoping for the best now. yeah. hoping and praying really hard. which reminds me that i have to thank everyone for their prayers, smses, emails, calls, tags and just all the encouragement i got for that pretty stressful time of mine. hahah. yeah... thanks heaps guys! (:

yup yup, well. haven't actually been partying much or anything. it's kinda weird actually. still kinda feel my high school journey's been incomplete, somehow but yeah. it's been a weird year. good in ways, not so much in others, but aye, God's been faitful, so yeah. i'm content (:

haha. yeah... anyway, 3 of my cousins are here on holiday from malaysia. they're more of jason's age but yeah... been kinda busy with them. hahaha. ohh, i got them to help with the garden! they helpfully assisted me in plucking the weeds and like sweeping everything up afterwards. lol. yeah. and they're helping to improve my chinese as well! in fact, one of their mums, like my aunt, bought a chinese music cd for me, passing it to my dad last month telling him that she thought i would like it (and if you know me, my chinese is just awful) but yeah, it's pretty amazing. i don't actually know what to say to describe it, but i did actually like it. hahahaha. and jermaine said she's gonna start introducing more singers and stuff to me too! lol.

anyhow. yeah... it's kinda stupid, but i actually feel more tensed now that the exams are over. it's not the results or anything - they're all in God's hands. but yeah... it's kinda like in my face now that i've probably only got a few more weeks with the family, before i move out for uni. if i wanna do medicine (something i really need to resolve to in the coming weeks as well), it's gonna take me away from here (hopefully to melbourne where there'll be more friends).

but yes, it might sound odd coz everyone my age can't wait to leave home and everything. but yeah... i don't know. i've experienced how it's living apart from my parents, and it's not that i didn't like it or anything, but i don't really want to move out (again). just not yet, i still feel like a kid at times, and i really love the family... sigh. i don't know. pretty torn apart in all directions. really quite. um. sad x(

but haii. i shall have the holiday to seek the Lord and think through everything. so yeah. really praying that i'll have the wisdom and understanding to accept whatever happens actually. to be content and find peace in what the greater things which are yet to come. haha. yeah...

In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.
-Ephesians 3:12

i'm just praying for God's hand to continually be upon me, helping to lead, establish and guide me, whatever it is. hahah (:

Homesick
MercyMe

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

PEW's Homework

2005-11-07T20:53:00.000+13:00

PEW tagged me and yes... just read on

Rules of the game: Post 5 Weird and Random facts about yourself, then at the end list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their blog and tell them to read yours.

1) i like to keep my finger nails neat, clean and short. most ppl look at them and say that it looks painful coz i cut them too deep. but anyway, the weirdest comment i've got about them is from my sister who's convinced they're round.

2) i've moved houses 13 times in the past 17 years. and there might be another two coming. one in dec (to be confirmed in the coming weeks) and another for uni next year.

3) i really love plants. like flowers and trees and bushes and everything. esp if they're really beautiful. although i'm no botanist, i garden (: and you've gotta admit that's weird for a guy my age. hahahaa. well, here're some pics from my yard, what d'ya think?

4) flat on my back. that's the only position i can sleep in without waking up with a head/back/neck ache. it's horrible when i can't sleep coz i just lie there, and i can't really "toss and turn" to find a more comfortable way to fall asleep. so yeah.

5) i have the tendency to get hiccups whenever i get excited while eating or laugh too hard. the combination of both is sometimes quite incurable x(

so yes. me - the person God's created me to be. and thank Him for this life that i have (:

five ppl who have to do this:
1) ivan
2) samuel
3) shirlene
4) tng
5) ziyan

trust

2005-11-02T06:39:00.000+13:00

Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

-Joshua 1:8-9

longing

2005-10-25T12:32:00.000+13:00

3 down and just 4 more to go; just 11 days and it shall alll be over... can't wait! (:

hahah. yeah... been alright for all the papers i've had so far. just hoping my scripts will find favour with the markers and that i get good marks! hahah. yeah... hope i get a good UAI (Uni Admissions Index), but oh wells, see how we go. and oh yes! i got another interview offer for medicine at Monash Uni (: praise God! hahah. so glad, things are starting to look a bit brighter now. lol. yup yup!

anyhow, just wanna thank everyone at church(tuc), though i don't think they visit me here. haha. yes. steve, the minister, got me up and had the whole congregation pray for my exams, and that was just amazing. haha. yeah! look what they gave me too:

a wonderful card that heaps of ppl signed, and Mars bars! coz the bag says "A Mars a day will help you work, rest and play." and they're like 20 of them too! one for every single day from the day i got it (the previous sunday) to the last day of my exams (: so yes, how thoughtful of them. hahaha. thanks guys! (:

yup yup! the bi-annual church flea market was also on last weekend to help raise funds, and looks what i got!

got them ALL for just $15. whahaha. you should've seem me smile! like like $15 would've just got me one book outside, but i got such an awesome bargain. heh. my after-exam reads... gosh, been taking peeks into some of the most interesting stuff and i just can't wait to get into them! lol. but then again, perhaps i'm also slightly over zealous with the books... don't think i've even finished all the ones i got from the previous flea market! hahah.

but yes, after exams. and until then, i shall persevere. ayee! thanks for all the prayers, tags, msgs, emails and encouragement everyone! (:

Everything
by Seven Places

There's not sweeter Name I know, there's no
Other fount that flows
There's no shadow of turning and I am yearning
Where can I go but into You?
There's none like you, Jesus
Everything You are is so beautiful
Everything You are is so wonderful
Everything I am wants to be like You Jesus

There's no greater love I know
Than the love You've shown
There's no shadow of turning and I am yearning
Where can I go but into You?
There's none like You, Jesus
Everything You are is so beautiful
Everything You are is so wonderful
Everything I am wants to be like You Jesus

myopia madness

2005-10-15T20:45:00.000+13:00

study. study. study. gosh, there must be more to life than this...

haha. i've already compiled a list of things i wanna do after my exams, amongst which includes learning to cook and bake from my mum. hahah (: i think that'll be so cool. esp since she's such a wonderful cook and i seriously need to learn how to cook more things. if i go interstate for uni, i sure don't wanna eat spagetti or fried rice or instant noodles everyday. hur. oh anyhow, i'll talk more abt it AFTER my exams. heh.

yeah... could everyone please do me a favour? like i'm getting really quite stressed abt these exams. they're like my final high school exams and somehow, the thought just makes me get a headache. argh! anyway anyway, please please please keep me in all your prayers, yes? my timetable is as follows:

17 Oct - Advanced English 1
20 Oct - Advanced English 2
24 Oct - Extension 2 Mathematics
27 Oct - Extension 1 Mathematics
28 Oct - Biology
02 Nov - Chemistry
04 Nov - Physics

so yes, if you could please help pray for me, i'll be really really grateful. haha. yeah. please pray for enough good rest as well... thank you my friends! (:

and till i feel i can cut some slack to come blog, God bless! (:

couting down the days

2005-10-12T00:42:00.000+13:00

at this time exactly one year ago...

i was on an aeroplane
on my way from singapore,
where i'd grown up for the past 13years,
made heaps of good friends,
and had heaps of wonderful experiences;
back to sydney,
to reunite with my family,
go to a new school,
and start life on a fresh page.

one year later...

i know i am not the same me anymore.
for God has not stopped working in me;
guiding me,
teaching me,
comforting me,
helping me,
humbling me,
blessing me, nor
loving me.

All praise to Him in the highest...
Amen.

i'm not perfect or anything. but i'm willing...

draw me close to you

2005-10-09T23:45:00.000+13:00

all glory to God...

Draw Me Close to You

Draw me close to you, Jesus.
I want to see your face
and rest in your embrace.
I cannot go on my own
I need you here with me.
So Lord, won't you come?
Oh Lord, won't you come
and draw me close to you...

a prayer of mine that somehow gave birth to another song. lol. God works wonders man... He does, He does (:

sing with me, "how great is our God!!"

perhaps we are

2005-10-09T02:08:00.000+13:00

Those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
-Isaiah 40:31

He's warned me not to be forgetful, and i've said many times before that i won't be. but somehow, that's what i just seem to do all the time... i forget abt His faithfulnesss, of how He has given me this life, of how He's brough me through things, of how He's given me more than i could ever ask for, but chose to whallow in the shadows instead. the devil really hits where it hurts most man...

i mean, i can't heave my heart into my mouth, but it's really hard... i let go, but it comes back; i try, but i fail; i call for help, but i fail again. and the 'buts' don't stop. sometimes it doesn't make sense at all, and when it does, i just don't know what to do. it crushes me, really, it does. i can't seem to concentrate on anything properly. i pray, but even that gets frustrating because i'm so worked up already.

it's so hard to trust, but i know, that's exactly what i must do. to have faith even though i cannot see; to reach for His hand and stand up, no matter how many times i may get tripped over. though it's all so cloudy and muddled up at the moment, i shall make it my effort to trust that God holds the answers and that He shall make all things beautiful in His time.

oh please Lord, let me not forget...

please pray for me even if this doesn't really make sense to you. i really don't know what to say anymore. but yeah... somehow, these words are what my heart finds to be...

With All I Am
Hillsong Music

Into Your hands, I commit again.
With all I am, for You, Lord.
You hold the world, in the palm of Your hand.
And I am Your's forever...

Jesus I believe in You,
Jesus I belong to You.
You're the reason that I live,
You're the reason that I sing, with all I am...

I'll walk with you, wherever you go.
Through tears and joy, I'll trust in You.
And I will live, in all of Your ways,
and your promises forever...

I will worship,
I will worship You...

Jesus I believe in You,
Jesus I belong to You.
You're the reason that I live,
You're the reason that I sing, with all I am...

it's amazing how i find all these songs that just speak for me man... bless the Lord!

let us find our favour in the Lord first.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made; without Him nothing was made that has been made. In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
-John 1:1-5

Lord, let there be no darkness where you shine. Shine in me...

not all things change

2005-10-08T00:44:00.000+13:00

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Hebrews 13:8

carry me

2005-10-07T00:52:00.000+13:00

i have offically become nocturnal.

it seems that every time i turn in for bed, the sky's already brightened, and i can never seem to fall asleep coz that's the time when all the love birds start coming out to court each other. it's not that i'm a busybody or anything, but those birds really have so many different chirps that if they continue chirping and chiriping at this rate, not allowing me to sleep, i think i'll soon qualify as a consultant for the art of courtship. yeah nic, talk abt art appreciation. hahaha.

oh wells. haven't really been studying well. i'm starting to get overwhelmed by the number of things i need to remember. seriously, i don't see how my brain's gonna remember so much stuff. in two weeks, i'd have probably unlearned all the stuff i've been cramming in. and my science papers are in three weeks. but then again, if i leave it till next week or smth to start, it'll be disaster! like fwahh. i'm alreay starting to panick that i can't revise and do as much practice as i would like to. gahh. i deTEST exams. hur.

anyway, i really wanna thank God for all the support i've been getting from some of you - all the prayers and stuff - it's really encouraging. and i got reminded of this really nice song too. hahah. yeah, i mean, it's really hard not to keep forgetting, esp when i keep thinking i'm never gonna make it with these exams. but yes, it's all in God's hands... like with what He did for me in the last ones, wha, i will make it through these coming exams. yes, yes. i will, i will, with the help of my God who will keep me well and help me the concentration and perseverence i need. yes, my friend, i CAN (:

He Will Carry Me
by Mark Schultz

I call, You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You’re strong
I’m weary
I’m holdin’ on
But I feel like givin’ in
But still You’re with me

And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

I know I’m broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I’ve never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you’d see me through
The storm

oh yes, PONG, if the cow keeps giving you a headache, talk to it - really - she might move. (: heh

and now, if you were here with me right now, you'd understand what i mean by the chirping birds x( g'nite y'all. please keep me in your prayers (:

moshed. now go study.

2005-10-02T11:06:00.000+13:00

heh. i should be doing more study, but i just can't help this.

isn't the song just oh so coool? hahahha. thanks to daniel khong who taught me how to put it up. yayy! i owe him one now. lol. yup yup yup! anyway, go check the lyrics of this song out. it really speaks the cry of my heart and i really hope you find the words are those of your heart too!

Here I Am
shawn mcdonald

I lay myself at Your feet
Asking You won't You meet
Won't You meet me

I cannot do it on my own
I cannot do it all alone

Here I am, oh, tonight
With my arms open wide
Won't You come inside
Won't You come inside, God
Come and fill this heart of mine
I'm in need of You
Of Your touch, of Your life, of Your love
I need You
I need You

Anyhow, i went to a switchfoot concert last night with mel, jian, maya, lishien and their friends. it was sooo coool. i like how they punch christian messages into their songs, but yeah. seeing them live, was like whoaa...! it was really coool.

but then again... i got stuck in the middle of the mosh pit, which was really mad! ppl were like pushing from all directions just trying to get to the front. hardly space to breathe i tell you. i don't think i'll ever end myself up in a mosh pit again. gosh! but it was an experience. hahaha. i managed to squeeze myself out (with much difficulty) of the most pit for the last few songs and well, the atmosphere was really kinda different. people were just standing arnd, unlike the full on rockers who were jumping and screaming and bursting my eardrums down in the mosh. some girls in the mosh were like crying and stuff coz there was so little space and ppl were just stepping on each others' toes. i hear it gets much worse though. gosh.... never never again. but anyhow, something to remember i guess (:

ANYWAY. dennis thinks he should do more study from now on. my commitment here for all to see... if anyone sees me online for more than 10mins, pls get me off! hahah. yeah. i really need to work though. no use asking God to help me with getting into this and that at uni when i'm not even putting the effort into studying for my exams. it's only a month and a bit left anyway, DENNIS!!!!

yeah... samgan shared this verse with me some time back and i think it's really cool. gonna try and apply it to my study now....

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Tim 1:7

yes yes, dennis should study. anyhow, for those of you who haven't sent me your exam timetables yet, pls email them to me yar? i'll be sure to pray for all your papers (: haha yeah! God bless everyone

All for You

2005-09-28T23:16:00.000+12:00

holidays have been pretty cool (: at least now i can stay up till 3/4/5 in the morning and not be worried abt being tired coz i can always sleep in! whahahah. and since my nanny doesn't read my blog, i think i'm safe. heheh.

anyway... study's been starting off qutie well. finally finished a module of physics and i'm halfway through one for bio, but i've still got soooo much to work on. esp for ext2 math. haii. anyway, just a few more weeks and i shall be free! dennis, you shall pesevere! hahah (:

yup! anyhow, i was going to do more study just now when i decided to pick up the guitar and fiddle with it for a while. just that the little while turned out to be much longer than i expected it to be, and i did something very unexpected as well... i wrote a song! hahaha (: yeah. praise the Lord! this is like the first song i've actually written which didn't have to be forced or anything. like all the words practically just came to me oh so nicely. like God himself put a new song in my mouth. heheh. the lyrics are below... really, all praise be to God! (:

All for You
by dennis chan

Lord, I talk about how I wanna be
An instrument of your grace, mercy and love,
But almost every time you give me a chance,
I seem to blow it.

And I don’t quite know
Where to find the courage I need.
But Lord, I trust
That you'll be the one working through me

Take these hands, Oh Lord, today.
Consume this heart,
Jesus, I pray
That whatever these hands find to do,
And for all my dreams that come true
Lord, that you’ll use them all for you.
Lord, that you’ll use them all for you.

Lord I don’t wanna wait for trouble to be reminded
How much I really need you.
For I know there isn’t one moment in time,
You aren’t beside me.

I have all to thank you for
But words will never be enough.
So I pray that you’ll use me,
In all I think, do and say.

Take these hands, Oh Lord, today.
Consume this heart,
Jesus, I pray
That whatever these hands find to do,
And for all my dreams that come true
Lord, that you’ll use them all for you.

Take these hands, Oh Lord, today.
Consume this heart,
Jesus, I pray
That whatever these hands find to do,
And for all my dreams that come true
Lord, that you’ll use them all for you.
Lord, that you’ll use them all for you.

i am a flower quickly fading

2005-09-24T00:13:00.000+12:00

i was just thinking abt how fleeting life is.

a whole year has almost come and gone just like -snap- but i still find it hard to grasp all that has taken place. all the changes, both arnd and on the inside me. sometimes, it just overwhelms me.

sure, it does sound great: then, i hadn't even completed sec4(year 10) and now, barely a year later, i've graduated from year 12. some think it's cool and i know of others who wished they could take years off school as well. yes, I agree with how i've been blessed beyond measure, esp since north sydney boys' is the best boys school in the entire state - something i honestly thank God for. but really, sometimes i think abt it and wonder if it's even remarkable at all....

today, i walked across my school stage for the first time and that was to collect my graduation certificate. it was also on this last day of school, that i learnt the words to my school song. kinda ironic don't you think?

sometimes it just makes feel as though i've been left out like some nigelated loner. not only coz i managed to skip a year and discount myself from actually getting to know ppl, take part in school activities and get involved in committees and stuff over here, but also coz all my friends in Singapore have gone on to do these things without me. to experience the kind of senior high school life which i'm never gonna get a chance to go through.

ppl say how jc/senior high school's supposed to be the best years of school coz you get all these opportunities to do stuff and explore all sorts of things. i mean, i'm really happy for all my friends, both near and far, when i see them step up to hold appointments, contribute to the school and do the kinda stuff which you would only get in a school environment. but it kinda saddens me that i can't be involved as well esp coz that's the kinda stuff i really enjoy being part of.

maybe i've had my fair share. esp since i've been a prefect since primary three, being head prefect twice, the troop leader for my scout grp and all that, doing all sorts of things throughout the years, gaining priceless experience. but perhaps that also serves as a reminder of how i'm not actually involved in anything anymore.

i mean, even my year adviser told my mum it was kind of a pity that i missed out on year11 coz i could've got more involved in all the other aspects of school life, instead of the plain studying coz that's what year12s do. plus, i've had to adapt to the the school and life here, and catch up all the work i missed as well. so yeah... sometimes it kinda feels like i've been missed out. big time.

but then again, i don't really regret, much less resent any of this. sure, the feeling does suck. but then after all that's said and done, it's only just a feeling. and like all other feelings, it only goes so deep. our feelings are far more likely betray us and deprive us of even more things than anything else. a man who buys into feelings will always lose out when the rain comes, but for how long can a happy man remain happy?

i was just talking to ruth the other day and she said smth along the lines of "i'm glad you're taking these things(some of the stuff bothering me) so well actually." i found that pretty interesting so i decieded to ask her why and she continued, "coz or else you'll be all emo and stuff." the word emo just shook me coz i've seen how emo ppl just get so consumed and i just started to wonder why i wasn't like that... until i actually realised that i was.

i mean, after think abt it, i would consider myself quite emo. i may not appear to be that way, but it doesn't mean i'm pretending or suffering some sort of personality crisis or smth. like at that moment, i just came to realise that the reason i wasn't sinking in with these negative feelings was coz God always provided steady ground for me to stand on - great promise of blessings that have just lifted me out of my emotional "sicknesses" time and time again. my reply to ruth went something like, "what makes you think i'm not emo? i AM. just that our Lord never fails to heal me, every single time."

the thing is, the actually moving to aussie still bites me, even a year on. like sometimes i still think abt what if i stayed on, what if i went to acjc and did this and that. what if. and i'm not hiding that the feeling does suck tremendously especially since i miss everyone back there so much. however, with highest praise to Him, God's really blessed me to rise above my feelings and see things from a differnt angle as well....

this uneventful year has actually given me the time to think and refelct. it's really helped strengthen my walk with God because i'm not too busy for Him anymore. i've come to love my family more. i've come to appreciate certain people more because of the distance that now seperates us. i've got to know some people better because chatting is a really intersting way of connecting ppl even though they're so far apart. i've started serving God more, even in the OC all the way back in singapore (which has been so totatlly awesome). and i dare say that through all this, God's really used everything to build my character up.

like i know He's won't shortchange me, even if it's just bits of fun i may have missed out on or anything, coz i know He's gonna have something better waiting for me. like He works in the most unexplainable ways, but we can know it's for our best. and i think that is simply so beautiful.

i reckon that i may not have had such a fulfilling last year of school and no fault at all to north sydney boys', but i think God's just wanted me to know that there's more to this life that i've been blessed with, and that He will always continue to provide for me.

Amen.

_________________________________

thanks for all the tags guys, really appreciate it (:

the LORD be exalted!

2005-09-20T13:53:00.000+12:00

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
Psalm 40:2

Jesus, lover of my soul
Jesus, I will never let You go
You've taken me from the miry clay
Set my feet upon the rock and now I know

I love You, I need You
Though my world may fall, I'll never let You go
My Savior, my closest friend
I will worship You until the very end...

all to Jesus I surrender

2005-09-15T09:33:00.000+12:00

alright. i didn't get an interview offer for medicine at unsw....

but dennis, the world's not over yet!
there's still a chance for one in the second round.
and there are so many other unis anyway!
time will tell

remember, remember,
everything will work out great for you.
and you can say that in confidence coz God's promised you that.
He loves you even more than you know
and you know you can trust in that love.

it's hard, i know.
but His plans for you are gonna better than you can ever imagine.
just be patient.
His love never fails...

"The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song"
-Psalm 28

praise God for His love endures forever! (:

joy from the heart

2005-09-02T23:57:00.000+12:00

even in the darkest, coldest night... i celebrate. for Lord, You are with me.

slide across the room

2005-09-01T17:38:00.000+12:00

once and you may pass it off as a coincidence, but twice and oh, you know there's gotta be some supernatural power working in your life. in mine, it's God. with the blessings He's shown me over these few weeks, i am just dumbfounded. i am really at a complete loss of words, maybe except for praise the Lord who works in wonderful ways for His own glory, halleujah! haha (:

well, first of all, i must say again that the cancelled english exam, a few weeks back was undeniably, a miracle. it's so evident now, God's been trying to point me somewhere and he has again blessed me with something extraordinary... can you believe it, my math exam paper got lost? lol. and coz the staff couldn't verify my mark, they gave me two choices: to either take a different paper, or to use an alternative mark based on my previous results (which, thank God, were better). i chose the latter, which actually increases my mark - just a little, but still! hahah. since when has anyone heard of such a thing? and like the cancelled english exam, how can you say it's a coincidence when two of these wonderful things compliment each other in helping me to do better for my exams without being dishonest? i am just so in awe of how God works man... blessing after blessing, and oh, these things can surely happen to you as well, if you would believe in His power! have faith. He's promised more than you could ever wish for or imagine, believe in that... He's proven Himself to me and boy, i can't stop singing His praises! (:

anyway, was talking to Li-Sa ystdy when she asked if i'd asked God abt why these amazing things were coming up in my life. and it's really interesting... coz i knew what these miracles are a result of, but i had never considered what these would result in. so i started thinking... like the parting or the red sea, it was a wonderful miracle God blessed the Israelites with, but why did He do what He did? to show the Egyptians that He was God, to renew the faith of the Israelites? yeah... plausible, in fact very valid. but, what struck me the most was that i believe God was proving His faithfulness by fulfilling His promises, in this case leading them towards the Promised Land where these, the descendants of Abraham could establish their own nation...

i guess i'm still covered in the excitement of all these wonderful things that have been happening to me. but i say i should start looking towards my "Promised Land" as well. i don't wanna spend the next 40 years wandering arnd in the desert, i wanna jump into all the rest of the blessings He's promised me! He's definitely leading me somewhere, and i know i've gotta trust in Him if i should establish a "nation" of my own. but i know and i will, though it's always easier said then done.

i shall remain steadfast for i know my God and have seen His blessings; He is faithful and will ever be. (:

on the road again

2005-08-28T20:05:00.000+12:00

i. am. exhausted.

whoa. i just realised how caught up i've been with things that my body's starting to take a toll. like today, for soccer, i scored 2 goals, along with 4 cramps x( 3 on my right calf and one on the left. and that adds to the one i got last week. grrr. well, at least i scored. though one was actually an own goal x(

haha. yeah... went to the usyd open day today. i really like that uni and it's good too! too bad they don't have theology or ministry... gah. anyway, i was thinking i might take a gap year to do a certificate IV in ministry or smth. thinking abt either hillsongs or christian city church, but still needa pray heaps abt that. don't know if my parents are gonna sponsor me. whaha. yeah. or i might just go on missions! adam from church just asked me if i wanna go to honduras to help set up a refuge center for sex slaves and their children... i think the daunting part would be to get permission! but yeah. hahah. i believe things will work out some way or other, just gotta keep going in faith. there're all these things i wanna do but will just fall flat on my face if i keep thinking i can succeed on my own. coz i know i just can't, i'm already starting to fall apart! hahaha. but yes, i shall look to the heavens and find the strength i need in Him. yes yes? please help pray for me, guys. i really need it. also! mum's sorta found us a new house. if we get it, we'll most likely move in after my HSC or smth. but yeah... i'm still not sure. but could you guys please pray for our new home too? yeah? thank you (:

so excited abt church tmw. haha. yeah! there was One Youth last night, which is like a combined youth service for all the different churches in our area. it's just so awesome to have a message preached directly to you like that. it was abt making a difference and boy did it stike a chord in me: we're not in it for ourselves, we're in this for His kingdom! just been talking to melguay for a while and it's really amazing to see how God's worked through us all. and taking a step back to take things in, it's really not about ourselves, but God. no matter how bad things were back then, in retrospect, they actually make quite a lot of sense - how we've grown and come to realise how everything works for a greater good..... praise the Lord! (:

HAPPY (:

2005-08-26T17:01:00.000+12:00

i've been making little discoveries every day that i think i'm becoming quite overwhelmed! haahha. sing with me, God is great! sing His praise, all the Earth and all the Heavens! whahaha (:

yay! some of my prayers have been answered and i'm really really glad (: on top of that, i'm beginning to realise how little things we don't give much thought to, can have such a huge impact on others. like i never realised how ppl were actually getting encouraged by some of the things i've said and done. i mean, i'm not perfect and there's really nothing abt me to actually be proud of. maybe except that i've got the Lord with me. so yeah! whahahha. all glory to God (: yup yup.

i'm still quite confused abt my uni applications. what if i don't get into medicine? what if it's not for me in the first place? hahaha. ppl've been asking me if i considered ministry as a vocation and through prayer, i feel i've been called to actually do something as well... what? i await with anticipation because i really don't know. think all my family, maybe except mel, will be so disappointed if i suddenly said i wanted to go to bible college. but yeah... seems good if i can't get into medicine, don't you think? lol. i'm gonna need heaps of prayer on this one, please help me out guys? i only want to do what the Lord wills for me to do. it's just so clouded at this point, but i'm sure things will be revealed to me in due time... i've acturally started looking up courses in theology already and it's really quite interesting. but yeah... God, i really need your help on this one! please please please make my paths straight i shall go in faith. i'm actually really excited! (:

haha. i've actually been blogging on theOC(CCMC's youth ministry)'s blog as well and it's pretty cool how i'm still able to help out though i'm like thousands of miles away. hahah. been really lovely talking to cheryl and mel guay abt stuff as well. God's really working in theOC man! (:

so yeah... some reason, the poor results for my recent exams aren't really getting to me. well, there is still time i guess. i must work. i must. i must. i will! whahahha. yeah.... till next time, God bless!

every single tear

2005-08-21T20:52:00.000+12:00

just when we think there's no one there...

You feel insignificant
A whisper in the wind
Sometimes you think nobody knows your name
But there's somebody watching over you
and He knows everything you're going through

He sees every single tear
He feels everything you're feeling
He wants to hold you close and dry your eyes
Your heart is what he hears
When the world just hears you crying
No matter what the pain, He cares
about every single tear

Overwhelmed by circumstances
out of your control
Hope can be the hardest thing to find
When you're like a heart without a home
You don't have to face this hurt alone

If God adorns the Lilies of the field
and cares for every sparrow in the sky
How much more is He aware of your sorrow and despair
How much does He care about your life scott krippayne

candle lights

2005-08-20T23:43:00.000+12:00

wow. i am just continually in awe of God and how He works.

i mean. this past week has again been really messy. like my whole sleeping pattern's been wrecked - only getting rest for a few hours each day, and not before 2am (take a look at the time now!) wahaha. yeah. and i've just been so tired. but i somehow always find something to do and like waste time or just think abt stuff. and i'm sure you all know how it feels. our physical state affects our mental, emmotional and spritual states as well. so if you can imagine - i've kinda been dragging myself through the week. and so, i thought that sleep would be good. i planned to sleep by 10pm today. but ol' me got myself stuck looking through my uni application stuff and by than it was already 1am. and to make things ultimately worse for myslef, i started several conversations on msn. BUT. it's really kinda amazing how you sometimes become so refreshed after talking to people abt stuff. and i was really perked after one of those long conversations which was really great. coz i'm like starting to realise how tiny little things can make a huge difference. esp when it comes to ppl. so yeah. i don't know, i'm happy (:

for He has done great things

in every area of my life

2005-08-13T22:22:00.000+12:00

weekends! hahah. thank God for taking me through all my exams this week man. really tired now coz i haven't been sleeping very much, but i must blog tonight. hahah.

first and foremost, i must say how delighted i am to have heard from the annonymous person who thanked me on my tagboard. i think it was really good that she told me which entry it was that really made an impact on her. 5th of august, if you just wanna scroll down and take a look - you'd find that i'd only written one line (plus, it was a quote). and so how humbling it was to discover that it wasn't me, but actually the Word of God which spoke to her. it just amazed me. like really, all glory be to God =)

haha yes. i'd really like to thank everyone for all the encouraging tags and stuff. thanks so much for all the support =) and oh. for some reason, i can't tag. so fatz, my msn messenger add's chanshenhan@hotmail.com

anyhow. another anonymous person came by a few days ago and left this comment: wow, i believe in god, but i'm not christian. i think you're way too uptight in this religion, and the example with your test paper is ridiculous. god has much more to do than cancel your test. call me a cynic, but it was just a coincidence along with that, a classmate of mine also asked: I sort of always believed in some divine force, but what makes you think God will personally involve himself in every humans life to such a degree? and so seeing how they were both really similar, i've decided to answer them both as well as make a stand for myself.

the common issue pointed out by both parties is, doesn't God have better things to do? why on earth would He be interested or bothered to personally involve himself in every humans life? and you know, i thought about this for quite a while. like how i could best give an answer so as to testify for my faith and that i'm not just believing in some myth or fable. thinking of the best possible way to show them that God is indeed real, that He really DOES care and is very concerned about every single detail in every human's life. after much consideration, i was hit with what i would say. i know God cares because... He said He does.

and you may be sitting there going, "yeah. that's really smart of you, dennis." i do actually know how dumb that argument might sound, but why don't you take a look at it this way. what if i told you that someone cares for you? yeah, you could believe it. especially if you could come up with reasons why that someone might be concerned about you. but you wouldn't know for sure, would you? just by hearing what i said and by drawing your own inferences to explain why the person may care, doesn't actually mean that the person does, does it? coz that person might not actually care about you and what i told you could have just been a lie.

however, what if that person comes up to you, taking you tenderly by the hand telling you that he or she really cares for you and giving the reasons why. doesn't it make a difference when the person actually tells you the way he or she feels about you? there's a certain sense of security in that and that is exactly what i mean, God tells us He cares for because He loves us, and He loves us because we are His creation.

this is what Christianity is all about - love - and evidence of this can be found thoughout the Bible. so, unless of course, the person had lied to you in your face, what he or she says has to be true, doesn't it? but why would God lie about His love for us? in fact, not only is there no reason for that, He has gone a step further by telling us He wants to spend eternity with every one of us, even showing us how this can happen. by the sacrifice of His own son, Jesus, as an atonement for the sins of the world. God's promise is that if you believe in Jesus' ressurection, you too can share in His victory over death by recieving the gift of eternal life.

that's basically the gist of what Christianity is about. a Creator who in loving us so much, has given us a free will, in hope that we would chose to love Him in return. however, as men we are, we have been tempted against God, resulting in death as a penalty. God however, still believing in the loving relationship we can share with Him, chose to give up His son, such that Jesus' life would be used to redeem our's.

so, you may have read so far and may be going, "what an ideal situation," or,"what a perfect myth." however, all the claims i've made have not been spun up by as a story or legend, and can be supported by the Bible. you may then question the reliablity of the Bible. but up till this day, hundreds and hundreds of years later, no evidence, including historical and archaeological findings, have been able to disprove the existence of Jesus and the claims that He made. that He was the Son of God and that it is through Him that will shall gain eternal life.

it's basically how God has proved his love for us which has given me the conviction to be able to write all these things and believe in the promises in the Bible. i would not like to say that i am "uptight" with religion but rather passionately in love with God. Christianity is no religion - it is a relationship with your Creator. and if you're not convinced of this, i urge you to keep an open mind as you search for the truth.

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Psalm 139:1-6

to God be the glory.
_______________________________
John 1:29,3:16,14:6-7
Isaiah 53:6
Colossians 1:10-16
Revelation 5:9-10

God is moving (:

2005-08-09T14:33:00.000+12:00

man am i encouraged! (:

hahah. a certain someone chanced upon my blog and left a tag: anonymous wrote I'm someone whom you do not know, but I would like to thank you. i stumbled upon your blog and seeing what you wrote on it about the power of Jesus lessen my agony and renewed my faith in him. God Bless
and it was only after reading it that i realised that i don't have my email address anywhere on my blog! ummm. i'll put it up soon. but to the really nice person who left the tag, i just wanna say it's probably not an accident that you stumbled upon this blog. you know, if you've anything you'd like me to help you pray for, i'd be more than glad to =) email me k? firstjuly@gmail.com and that goes for everyone else who's reading this as well. remember, we're all brothers (and sisters) up there in Heaven and no problem is ever too big or small for Jesus. as long as we all gather around Him in prayer and petition, trust me (well, God actually), wonders will happen! (:

so yeah. it's been really interesting. like how God's been moving arnd and doing His stuff. like how unexpected it was to have my blog reach out to someone i don't even know, i believe that the Lord will continue to use us in mighty ways we never would have imagined. like all for His glory. how awesome is that?! hahah =) yup! praise the Lord guys, the Spirit's working in you too. right this very moment...

Holy Spirit, Touch Your people
Teach us the ways of God
And as we live, As Jesus did
You are honored and lifted up

There's a stirring in the Spirit
There's an urgency in this hour
We as children must obey
Can you hear
The footsteps of God

God is moving, God is moving
Can you hear the sound
Of revival

As we praise You, as we sing
Draw near to us O God
As we cry out for the nations
Pour out revival in the land

There's a stirring in the Spirit
There's an urgency in this hour
We as children must obey
Can you hear
The footsteps of God -united live

all for love

2005-08-06T11:29:00.000+12:00

God's will will not take you where His Grace can't keep you (:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees."Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. -Hebrews 12

you were there

2005-08-05T07:15:00.000+12:00

when things all around just don't seem to make sense anymore.
when you make my desires seem so insignificant.
when you lift my head but i can't see what's beyond.
when i don't know what else to do or say.
lord, i know you hear my prayers.
and i know that you're working.
but woe, this heart of mine with such little faith.
may your peace fall upon me oh, lord.
help me understand your great plans.
coz it's all in your hands.
it's all in your hands....

I wonder how it must have felt
When David stood to face Goliath on a hill
I imagine that he shook with all his might
Until You took his hand, and held on tight

'Cause You were there, You were there
In the midst of danger's snare
You were there, You were there always
You were there when the hardest fight
Seemed so out of reach
Oh, You were there, You were always there
You were always there

So there he stood upon that hill
Abraham with knife in hand was poised to kill
But God in all his sovereignty had bigger plans
And just in time, You brought a lamb

'Cause You were there,
You were there
In the midst of the unclear
You were there, you were there always
You were there when obedience
Seemed to not make sense
You were there, You were always there
You were always there

So haven't I learned that my ways
Aren't as high as Yours are
And You alone keep the universe
From crumbling into dust
You are God and though we would
Not have understood You
There You were

Hanging blameless on a cross
You would rather die than leave us in the dark
Every moment, every planned coincidence
Just all makes sense
With Your last breath

You were there, You were there
During history's darkest hour
You were there, You were there always
You were the Victor and the King
You were the power in David's swing
You were the calm in Abraham
You are the God who understands
You are the strength when we have none
You are the living, Holy one
You were, You are and You will always be
the Risen Lamb of God

You were, You are and You will always be
The Risen Lamb of God
-Avalon

when you believe

2005-08-04T07:04:00.000+12:00

you have just gotta believe in His power.

if you know how it's like to be really really unprepared for something extremely important. and the night before, you're just so lost coz you don't have the strength to do anything. you would know how it feels like to be on your knees praying for a miracle. coz i was there just last night, praying so hard for my exam today. it was really exhausting. like really. mentally, physically and emotionally as well.

i was so ready to like just give up. but something kept me going. something kept me up to go through all my work at least once. something gave me the rest i needed in that few hours of sleep i could get. and that was the Spirit working man... undoubtedly.

thanking God for what He's done, you just have to believe me when i say He can do so so much more. tng assured me last night, "that miracle will come, dennis. it will." and behold the glory of God, miracles DO happen. for the paper which was gonna completely mow me down was cancelled. like. taken away. cancelled, no more. byebye. oh my cow! it took a while for it to sink in and then to understand how God was having his way, oh bless his Holiness!

they scrapped the paper coz they found out that the questions had been leaked out. but it was just a such a blessing. miracles happen. and they happen coz of His great love for us. there's no other explaination. oh, praise the Lord! (:

Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear.
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood.

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear.
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could.

There can be miracles when you believe.
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill.
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe?
Somehow you will,
You will when you believe.

In this time of fear,
When prayer so often proves in vain,
Hope seemed like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away.
Yet now I'm standing here
With heart so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say.

There can be miracles when you believe.
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill.
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe?
Somehow you will,
You will when you believe.

They don't always happen when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see the way, get through the rain
A small but still, resilient voice
Says hope is very near, oh

There can be miracles when you believe. (When you believe)
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill.
Who knows what miracles you can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe?
Somehow you will,
You will when you believe

so have your way in me...

2005-08-02T03:20:00.000+12:00

God speaks. and in my prayers, i've heard his voice.

just last week i was praying about my life. about ministry and evangelism in my life. and he's been stirring up something in me ever since.

it's so hard to see. but when you actually realise what's going on, you just can't help but to lift your hands in praise. for His plans are just so undoubtedly wonderful and perfect.

but yeah... i've just realised something he told me abt making me more evangelical. i never understood that. but now i do. and praise the lord, for i have put the flame into another's heart and saved one more for the glory of Christ! wooohooooo!

hahahhaha. yeah. in amazing ways, he speaks. he speaks.

dreams

2005-07-30T05:42:00.000+12:00

haha. i had a really wonderful dream last night. you know, i'm starting to realise that the dreams i remember are like the one i wish could happen. if you know what i mean. hahah. the type which make you smile in your sleep (: but then you sorta wake up and go, " oh, that didn't really happen." hahahaaha

oh wells. study study study. that's what i've gotta do man. haven't really done anything and my trial exams are starting on mondayy! hahaha. yes. i'm laughing. sadly, i'm not very anxious. yet, i hope. hahahha. okok. bye bye!

lifted hands

2005-07-27T17:11:00.000+12:00

it's amazing how He works. let's all proclaim it, "HE ROCKSS!!" hahahhahah (:

alright. world's gonna come crashing down starting tmr. but i will be able to do all things through Christ, who strengthens me!! hahahha. yeah (: HE is gonna be there to hold it all up for me, all praise! hahaha. yup! we'll see how we go with the UMAT tmw and in all the rest of them exams. please help me pray for all my exams too? haha. yeah? thanks to all. and to God. hahaha. yeahh!

alright. really happy tonight. and that's coz a good mate of mine all the way in Ireland(yes Christina, Northern Ireland. hahaha!), shared this testimony with me...

"i was at a massive Christian festival in Belfast a couple of weeks ago, and the main theme was identity, but God really used it and created his own theme in it, which was basically commissioning us all to be warriors and step foreward in his army, we were all challenged to go out and put all that we had learnt at the festival into practice because unless we did that all of it will be worthless. so after that i did a week of outreach in the rough areas in belfast, which was amazing, i mean i just totally grew in my spiritual life, and also the amount of opportunities we got to have. The thing is though, we werent going out and preaching at people, we were going out and being Christ like, we were showing Gods love in practical ways, by cleaning up alley ways, doing up elderly peoples gardens, kids clubs, coffee clubs 4 the elderly, community barbeques, and it was amazing, becuase we didnt even have to start up the conversations about God, they all just started asking questions!!"

and it's just SO SOSO so ososOSSO O wonderful to hear abt these kind of things. i love it when God works through people in the little things that they do. coz it's like if God can work through your neighbour, your friend, some guy you don't even know, you can be sure that He can work though you tooo! just as long as our hearts ares for him, oh we shall be such bright lights to the world. praise God!

so yeahhh. c'mon, share in the joy! just close your eyes and praise Him! (:

2005-07-24T19:17:00.000+12:00

and i'm just sitting here watching everything pass me by..... oh! kinda reminds me of otis redding. hahah.

So I'm just gonna sit on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

yes. right. if only i could whistle and know that it's all good.

like. shouldn't it be? isn't it?

hide

2005-07-23T15:02:00.000+12:00

it's amazing how time flies. how it's been a week. oh, wait, it's nearly been a month already. haha. how i've slept for more than i wanted to and still feel so tired. man! i honestly don't know what i've been up to. which isn't bad. but i'm like really ... lifeless? i mean, it's really quite draining to just stare at the walls. hahah. i don't know why, but it's been for me. gosh. maybe the medication's been bad. i don't know. ugh! i'm like worrying abt stuff beyond my control and yet not caring the least bit for all the stuff i've got over the next couple of weeks, which i have control of and are, really quite important. my mind's all up set and everything. ironically, i ask for less, but recieve more with gladness. not gladness. but like satisfaction? grah. i don't even know what i'm talking abt anymore. crap! the incongruous ramblings of he who is quite apathetic.

you can throw whatever you want at me. i don't wanna live for myself.

anyway, song which keeps on coming up... really very nice. joy williams. she rocks. hahah.

To anyone who hides behind a smile
To anyone who holds their pain inside
To anyone who thinks they're not good enough
To anyone who feels unworthy of love
To anyone who ever closed the door
Closed their eyes and locked themselves away

You don't have to hide
You don't have to hide anymore
You don't have to face this on your own
You don't have to hide anymore

So come out, come out, come out wherever you are
To anyone who's tryin' to cover up their scars
To anyone who's ever made a big mistake
We've all been there, so don't be ashamed
Come out, come out and join the rest of us
You've been alone for way too long

And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
'Cause He knows where you are, where you've been
His scars will heal you if you let Him

alright? (:

live it

2005-07-21T12:23:00.000+12:00

oh, how the days go by.
live.
and let live.

the sun shines when you're smiling

audience of one

2005-07-20T19:58:00.000+12:00

and i find you embracing me... just as i am
i know it's gonna be useless clinging on to the things of this world. i am broken. but where can i go and find refuge, except in you, oh Lord?
And I lift these songs to you and you alone.
please take me. take me. all. all of me, to be with you.
As I sing to you, in my praises make your home
draw near, dear father - let me be close to you.
i only desire to be your's, Lord

parcels

2005-07-18T09:23:00.000+12:00

and all these little brown packages,
they come in different shapes and sizes,
tied up with brown string.
i kinda want to take back what's in them,
but i know that you want them.
and although you don't need them,
you know that neither do i.

so i buy stamps to post them,
and i hope they get there on time.
that when you get them,
you'd smile;
that you'll pick up the phone and whisper to me
how pleased you are
with all the packages i've sent.

coz i've held none back.
none.
they're all for you.
all.
for you.
with love.
deepest love.

- dennis . chan

the light that guides my way

2005-07-16T21:01:00.001+12:00

let's round it all up, shall we?

aight, but go slow on -

- firstly, i've just gotta say how much i love you man. sheesh! it's just like you've just got this extraordinary way of doing things don't you? hahhaa. i'm actually quite speechless. it's almost like a 2week birthday celebration. and i really really couldn't ask for more. i mean. it was just blessing after blessing. sarah and her friends, hongleng, ivan and amy... and all the things that they did for the family and i. gosh! what better way is there to thank you? hahaha. love you SO SOO much!

lol. silly child, there's no better way than that. you know why this is all happening - because i love you too!

yeah. it's just been so awesome! one surprise after another. continuously... all the fun that i had, all the stuff that i did. oh, it just wouldn't compare if you weren't there with me when it all happened. thank you - so much

you just don't know how glad you make me! because you come one step before me, i shall take a hundred towards you! you can't hide it from me - i know your heart's desires. and because you have lifted your heart to me, i shall take and purify it. silly child, let go of your burdens for i have great plans for you. plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. i declare that i am not only the God of your happiness, but also the God of your sorrows. so why for the worry about tomorrow? won't tomorrow will worry about itself? my healing hands are upon you and i go ahead of you to prepare the way for you...

oh, how you overwhelm me! how you perceive my thoughts from afar is just too much for me to bear! i stand in awe. in awesome wonder, oh Lord. all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be and all i need to do is trust in you. which is so easily to do coz you've shown me what you can do and have promised even greater things. i have known you to never fail, not one day has passed without you carring on the good work that you've started in me. oh, how you are worthy of all my praise! let all the heavens cry, "holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty!" for your ways are higher than my ways and your thoughts, higher than mine! i am but ruined in your formidable presence

but i have taken your guilt away and your sins are atoned for

i am weak

but in me, you will find strength

i am poor

but in me, you will find riches

i am lost

but in me, you will find guidance

i am - speechless

but i know what you need, even before you ask me

oh, let all the earth bow in praise!!! i will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands, for you alone are worthy! hahaha. let your living water flow out upon this land. oh Lord, prepare me for your works. here i am. send me!

____________________________________

Jeremiah 29:11
Matthew 6
Numbers 14:14
Philippians 1:6
Isaiah 6:1-8
Isaiah 55
John 4:1-29

home is where you dwell, oh Lord

brave

2005-07-13T20:53:00.000+12:00

do not follow where the path leads you. go where there is no path and leave a trail.

blehh

2005-07-09T13:37:00.000+12:00

off jo's blog coz i can't be bothered to actually post abt anything.

*Basic Stuff *
00. Start time: 1810
01. Your name: dennis chan
02. Hobbies: sleeping. reading. music.
03. Gender: ummmmm. male
04. Primary school: swiss cottage
05. Height: 169
06. Horoscope: cancer
07. Secondary school: acs(barker road)
08. Address: tur-ra-mur-ra
09. Email: chanshenhan@hotmail.com
10. Hair: dying cockatoo
11. Eye colour: dark brown
12. Hair colour: dark brown
13. Right or left handed: righty
14. Marital status: single
15. Siblings: 2
16.Last digit of HP no: 4
17. When's your Birthday: firstjuly
18. Do you have a Car: nope

* Have You Ever *
21. Tried smoking: nup
22. Drink alcohol: isn't it supposed to be "drunk"? haha. yup!
23. Been hurt emotionally: yeah
24. Kept a secret from anyone: ah-ha
25. Been on stage: one time too many

* Favourites *
26. Color: red
27. Food: i'm happy if it's edible. well, most of the time. heh
28. Drinks: apple/orange juice
29. Number: 3
30. Cartoons: the simpsons? i don't know, i haven't watched anything else since primary school.
31. Sports: soccer, badminton
32. Songs: more than you know
33. Movie: ummm. i've forgotten half the movies i've watched already. lol.
34. Subject: bio. or physics.
35. Day of the week: sundays
36. Eating: isn't it the same as food?
37. Hairstyle: isn't it the same as hair? gosh.
38. Looking at: this pathetic quiz
39. Thinking of: you! and um. exams. hahaha. more or less
40: Song listening to: magnify - ian eskelin

*Do You Believe In*
41. Love: yup
42. Faith: yup
43. Yourself: most of the time
44. Ghosts: yup
45. Angels: yeah

* In The Last 24 Hours *
46. Worn jeans: yup
47. Cleaned your room: sorta
48. Cried: nearly
49. Met someone new: nope
50. Last person I talked to on the phone: my dad

* Love Life *
51. Do you have a GF/BF: nope
52. Have a secret admirer: found out who they are already. lol.
53. Do you wanna get married: just once, yes. hahaha
54. Do you plan on having kids: yup
55. How old you wanna be when you get married: late twenties
56. How old you wanna be when you have your child: late twenties, early thirties?
57. How many kids do you want: 2-3
58. Would you have kids before marriage: no
59. Do you have a Crush: nope
60. What do you want most in a Relationship: love, trust,

* Either One *
61. Pink or Black: Black.
62. Kiss or hug: Hugs
63. Summer or winter: Summer
64. Sunny or rainy: sunny
65. Chocolate or vanilla: choc
66. Hanging out or chill: chill
67. Music or TV: music
68. Hamburger or Pizza: kinda depends
69. Smile or Laughing: smile
70. Sleeping or eating: Sleeping
71. Mc Donald's or KFC: macs
72. Silver or gold: silver
73. Sunset or sunrise: sunset
74. On phone or in person: in person
75. Diamonds or Pearls: diamonds
76. adidas or puma: puma
77. Band member or model: band
78. shoes or boots: shoes
79. clubbing or live music: live music
80. Johnny depp or Brad Pitt: what abt both? hahaha

(x) Slept all night in a bed with a person of the opposite sex
(x) Slept all night in a bed with a person of the same sex
( ) Correctly painted a paint by number (huh??)
(x) Slept for more than 12 hours
( ) Missed a week of school or more
( ) Put chapstick on more than 5 times in an hour
(x) Kissed more than one person in a day
(x) Kissed more than two people in a day
( ) Created a myspace survey
( ) Eaten a worm
(x) Jumped on a trampoline
( ) Ridden a unicycle
(x) Done something special for someone else
( ) Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant
(x) Paid more than $50 for food at a fast food restaurant
( ) Got caught for cheating
(x) Talked on the phone while going to the bathroom
( ) Brushed your teeth while on the phone
( ) Worked in fast food
(x) Written a poem
(x) Randomly called people out of a phone book
( ) Been on a yacht
( ) Put bananas in your cheerios
( ) Lied to a friend to make them feel better
( ) Dated someone more than 4 years older than you
( ) Eaten frosting out of the original container
( ) Had a dream about a myspace friend
(x) Fallen in public
(x) Had your pants rip
( ) Recently had a PB&J sadnwich
( ) Met your principals parents
(x) Killed an animal
(x) Been prescribed to 3 or more medications by a doctor
( ) Wished you were an only child
( ) Used your friends razor with out them knowing
(x) Been unproud of a decision you made
( ) Been friends with an ex's mom after the relationship ended
(x) Worked for a family member
(x) Been told you were too young
( ) Made out in a car
( ) Kissed a friend, then their best friend..
( ) Been to a High School Dance
(x) Been to a concert
(x) Gotten away with a lie to your parents
( ) Been dumped the night of a dance and left with out a date
( ) Gone out with a person one of your parents set you up with
( ) Hate to admit you are wrong
( ) Ridden on a shopping cart in safeway
( ) Break danced in a Mini Mart
( ) Went into a mini mart in socks
( ) Worn a tiara
(x) Been in a play
( )Gone to church more than 4 times in a week
( ) Copied more than 30 CD's in a day
( ) Made a movie
( ) Dressed gothic
(x) Worn 5 or more layers of clothing
( ) Had a stalker.
( ) Been to california
( ) Lived on a house boat
(x) Swam in clear blue water
( ) Sat in a doctors office with a friend
(x) Ran across 6 lanes of traffic
(x) Made fish lips
( ) Hit on a waiter or waitress
( ) Taken pictures with a stranger
( ) Been to Busch Gardens
(x) Stayed in a hotel room with 3 other school mates
(x) Made a public speech
( ) Been on cable television
(x) Put straws up your nose
( ) Choreographed a dance
(x) Felt used
(x) Made a smoothie or milkshake
(x) Had fun at work
( ) Watched Desperate Housewives
( ) Watched a movie so often you could quote every word
( ) Listened to an old NSYNC or Backstreet Boys CD more than once in a day AFTER they were popular
( ) Kept a something from a past relationship (letters, flowers etc..)
(x) Given someone else flowers
( ) Taken a foreign language
(x) Gotten to school at 6:15 in the morning
(x) Not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class
(x) Laughed for no apparent reason

snuck out of the house
gotten lost in a city
seen a shooting star
had a serious surgery
gone out in public in my pajamas
kissed a stranger
hugged a stranger
been in a fist fight
been arrested
laughed and had milk/coke come out of my nose
pushed all the buttons on an elevator
swore at my parents
been to a casino
been skydiving
broken a bone
been high
skinny-dipped
skipped school
flashed someone
seen a therapist
played spin the bottle
gotten stitches
drank a whole gallon of milk/water in one hour
bitten someone
been to Disneyland
gotten the chicken pox
kissed a member of the same sex
crashed into a friend's car
been to Japan
ridden in a taxi
shoplifted
been fired
had a crush on someone of the same sex
had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
stolen something from my job
gone on a blind date
had a crush on a teacher
celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
been to Europe
slept with a co-worker
been married
gotten divorced
had children
seen someone die
had a close friend die
been to Africa
driven over 400 miles in one day
been to Canada
been to Mexico
been on a plane
seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
thrown up in a bar
purposely set a part of myself on fire
eaten Sushi
been snowboarding
met someone in person from the internet
lost a child
gone to college
graduated college
done hard drugs
tried killing myself
fired a gun
purposely hurt myself
taken painkillers
miss someone right now
tried to wash away some feelings by banging myself on the wall
________________________________________

you've gotta believe it

2005-07-05T21:36:00.000+12:00

totally awesome man! it's like the longest birthday i've ever had. wahhh.

if it's not enough for surprises. two of my closest friends just came and appeared at my door without any notice. i was completely shocked and stunned okay... felt so cheated coz EVERYONE knew they were coming except for yours truly x( but yeah... gosh. i'm so thankful at the same time. never in my wildest dreams did i imagine myself having so many surprises. all consecutively as well. man... sick!

you're really the best man (:

bite me!!

2005-07-02T20:27:00.000+12:00

i am happy (: hahha. yeahh. to everyone who give/sent me cards/msgs/emails/presents/calls... dennis says, "thank you!!" =) hahaha.

yup! there was only supposed to be half a day of school today coz of the industrial strike thing but the teachers all told us they weren't gonna teach coz they weren't really expecting anyone to show up anyway. all except for my math teacher. and so i had to drag myself out of bed just to go for 2 periods of man x( but it was good i guess. i shall not slack over this hols. i can't. i cannot afford to. but yeah. anyway! hahaha

went to meet sarah after school =) and we kinda stood arnd for a while before more of her friends came to join us. spent the whole afternoon with sarah and 3 of her friends. hahaah. it was kinda crazy. really funny! lol. haven't had so much singlish stuffed at me for a while already and it was just so amusing coz they kept making fun of each other. hahah. yup yup.

anyhow. we all happened to be in this shop where i saw this mousepad:

isn't it cute? hahahah. i don't know why but it really reminded me of jo. but yeah. i kinda pointed it out to the few of them and they all agreed that it was really nice as well. i was like, "should i get it?" and i came to the conclusion not to.. and i could have really easily gone back to get it if i wanted it anyway. so yeah. they paid for whatever they got and left the shop. unknowingly, i walked on while they stood outside the shop talking, so they had to shout for me to come back. and when i did, they were talking abt buying something. so i said why not. so they went back in and one of sarah's friends held up the mouse pad i pointed out much earlier and asked me, "it's nice right?" and along with the rest of them i responded with a yes. so she decided to get it. but upon leaving the shop, suddenly the other 3 of them turned to the girl and went, "aiyahh... why did you get it?" and at that point she had that "maybe i shouldn't have" look. goodness. i was really sorry for her and was gonna offer to buy it from her if she didn't want it in the end. but goodness... a split second later, the 4 of them burst out into laughter and gave me the mouse pad saying, "happy birthday!" hahahhahaha. i was completely taken by surprise man. gosh! i was kinda embarrassed as well. i mean. gosh! hahahah. but yeah, it was really nice =) thanks guys!

anyway. came home for dinner and my mum had people over for a little party. hahah. maya and jesslyn took my blanket away, hid it, and i couldn't even find it until long after they left x( hahaha. they spred it out on melisa's bed and put her blanket over mine. grrrr..... so frustrating. lol! anyway anyway. i also found out my birthday cake had a story behind it! hahahah. initially it was:

but it got fixed to say "17" when i first saw it. so yeah. i'm NOT old! hahahahha =)

biG 7teen

2005-07-01T20:42:00.000+12:00

and it's on nights like these where nothing else really matters, except you and me. thank you for creating and loving me... i love you too, lord - i love you too.

bind us together

2005-06-27T17:02:00.000+12:00

how amazing....

during service today, the speaker gave us time to seek God and then share with everyone if God had revealed anything to them. so yeah... i prayed and everything. sorta got a vision of something in my head but i wasn't sure what it was. after the time ended, the speaker was like,"anyone?" and there this long long silence which felt so weird. i didn't know if i should tell the church what i saw but then someone got the ball rolling by talking abt the church vision and all that, and the next person stood up and said, "it's just three words - bind us together." and suddenly there was this great excitement in me coz that's what i saw. exactly! immediately, i stood up and told the church, "yes, i saw an image of a handful of straw bound together by a single rope!" and it was really really amazing how God could work in us to give more than one person the same message. i was really, really amazed. stunned more like it.

but, how could i have been so unsure abt what God was telling me and not have been brave enough to be the first to stand up while everyone was silent and uneasy? i asked the Lord if i should speak, but fell for the world by thinking that it couldn't mean much. but He works in wonderful ways (praise the Lord!), teaching, guiding and showing us more and more of and abt Himself. my my. how blessed i am this day! (:

may the peace and grace of our Lord be with you as well...

the photograph

2005-06-26T20:28:00.000+12:00

i love that memory.
i love.
i love...

A page is turned
by the wind, to a boy with curly grin
With a world to conquer at the age of ten
But as history unfolds and the storybook is told
He finds salvation not at the hands of man

And the God of second chance
Picked him up and He let him dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, preparing him the one
To hold him up when he comes undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And now a man, here you stand
Your day has come

A page is turned in this world to reveal a little girl
With a heart that's bigger, as it is unfurled
By the language in her soul, that's teaching her to grow
With a careful cover of love that will not fail

And the God of second chance
Picked her up and He let her dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, preparing her the one
To hold her up when she comes undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And grown up tall, here you are
Your day has come

Beneath the air of autumn, she took him by his hand
And warm beneath the ardor, she took his heart instead
And high upon the mountain, he asked her for her hand
Just for her hand

A page is turned in this life, he's making her his wife
And there is no secret to the source of this much life
When the grace falls like rain is washing them again
Just a chance to somehow rise above this land

Where the God of second chance
Will pick them up and He'll let them dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, they're sharing with the one
That holds them up when they come undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And once again, here you stand
And once again, here you stand
Your day has come

your favourite verse

2005-06-24T19:40:00.000+12:00

those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:31

happy day (:

take me back

2005-06-24T14:05:00.000+12:00

The reason why I stand
The answer lies in you
You hung to make me strong
Tho my praise was few
When I fall I bring your name down

But I have found in you
A heart that bleeds
Forgiveness replacing all these thoughts of painful memories
And I know your response will always be

I’ll take you back always
Even when your fight is over now
I’ll take you back
Even when the pain is coming through
I’ll take you back

I can only speak with a graceful heart
As I’m pierced by this gift of your love
I will always bring an offering
I can never thank you enough

You take me back always
Even when my fight is over now
You take me back
Even when the pain is coming through
You take me back

winter solstice

2005-06-23T18:55:00.000+12:00

it didn't occur to me that yesterday was the shortest day of the year. then again, heaps of even more obvious stuff don't occur to me at all. sigh...

i'm feeling really messed up right now. maybe not messed up. confused? no. muddled probably. for so many reasons i just wish time would stand still. but then again, for many others, i wish it'll just hurry on and pass by. i don't know.

know heaps of you who're having exams over these few weeks and stuff. just wanna say study hard and all the best. haha. drop me an email if you need prayers ya?

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

well, i'll be fine. just as long as you are...

can't take my eyes off you

2005-06-23T04:34:00.000+12:00

how do you know that there's life after death?

coz my best friend's been there... and he's back to bring me along when my time is up.

okokok

2005-06-19T21:13:00.000+12:00

*breathes*

SARAH is COMING!! (:

okay, i should get more sleep and make better use of my waking hours. good night world... hahaha

follow love...

2005-06-19T07:38:00.000+12:00

we're not guarranted tomorrow
so we must just keep on living for today
and make the most of every moment
every step along the way...oh

-FFH

shortbread and scones

2005-06-16T11:33:00.000+12:00

yay! it's just a sprain. so yeah... should get better in the next few weeks. haha. been ordered not to play soccer anymore though. so yeah. i'm gonna need an exercise plan before i turn into slop. hahaha.

yeah. it's just been a week since exams ended, but it's only abt 40days before i get hit with the next wave of exams. sigh... this is quite tiring. gotta start getting into the swing on things again. plus, this term is extra heavy coz we're gonna be sitting the trial exams which will cover all the work we have and are going to do. yeah. gotta work hard. didn't do too good this term, but there's still time to catch up i guess, so yeah. gonna have to do something man. i've gotta stop bludging!! x(

i hope you dance

hey dear

2005-06-13T17:33:00.000+12:00

the weekend's just passed and i need another weekend to recover from it man. thank God it's a public holiday tmw! hahah. yeahh...

i am so tired. forgot what i did on friday. but yeah, went for a UMAT preparation course in the city both ystdy and today, like two whole days. and the trains on this line just had to stop for trackwork! grrr... mum had to drive me down to other stations which had trains.

the course was pretty cool. learnt quite a lot of stuff and made a few friends as well. found this guy who also came from Singapore like 3years ago. SJI dude. he got the shock of his life when he found that i just came, skipped a year and am going to a selective school. he was asking me how and i'm sure he'd tried really hard as well. for one, he beat me in the psle. like flat. he got some 240-249 while i only got like 224. so i'm sure he's pretty smart. but he couldn't get into a selective school. and i mean gee, it made me really think man. it IS really hard to get into a selective school and i didn't just get into any one. i got into the best boys one there is in all the state, which is pretty amazing. pople always ask me if i did really well in the entrance exam coz they don't usually admit year12s, which is again really amazing. but, i didn't even have to take an extrance exam! when i told the SJI guy that i just handed in my reports, he jaw literally dropped. "how can?" in the usual singaporean way,"i handed mine in but cannot!"

yeah... i don't know. but it's really really amazing how i got accepted. my case is really so unique. on top of that i don't have to do NS. so i'm like actually getting the best of both worlds like that kinda thing. plus it was the most unsual time to leave singapore, after the prelims but before the O's, but looking back, it may have actually been the best time. like seriously. i think abt it now and wonder what if i left earlier or later, things might have been so different, and i would think not as good as they are now. so yeah. i really really thank and praise God for this. like the opportunity i've got now and all. i didn't even try but grace gave it to me, while others who try so hard don't even get the chance. how blessed i am. how great is the lord! (:

hahaha. okay. after the course ended on sat, i took a bus down to play soccer. but coz my mum didn't come with my shoes, i decided to play goalkeeper which is the most horrible thing man. hahaha. i let in seven goals. oh my goodness. how many is that! x( so embrassing... worst thing was, while saving one of the balls, i got my thumb bent all the way back so i think it's sprained now. like. i don't know, it could either be a bad sprain or a hairline fracture. no idea, it just hurts like crazy. like still. i can hardly grip anything with my right thumb now. probably see how it goes with sleep tonight and tmw. if it still hurts heaps on tuesday afternoon, i'll probably get an x-ray done.

but that is SO crap. like what if it's a fracture, even hairline? what if i have to do an op or something? it's like my right hand! oh my cow. dear lord, i don't understand x( please may you heal me, please may it recover?

bahh. oh wells. in other news. diott's left and i didn't even get to meet up with her =(( how sad. and one of my teacher's from barker's also here but i haven't heard from him yet. wanted to call him while i was in the city today but thought it would be better to let him and his wife be by themselves since he never mentioned meeting or anything. so yeah... oh oh oh! i'm officially broke now.

today. i bought a book for mel and didn't even have enough money to go home! x( had to go withdraw money from the atm. it was the first time i've ever done it here and you know what? the account balance slip already says $0.00 man! i need a job. grrrr.

OH WELLS. since when have i started writing such long entries. mehh.

when love takes you in

2005-06-10T17:49:00.000+12:00

this week's been pretty awesome i must admit.

like i said, monday was just totally wonderful. slept most of tuesday so i've got nothing much to say abt that. wed was kinda unexpected though.

thought i'd go down to the harbour again but amjad wouldn't leave me alone after our last paper. hahaha. in the end we went down to town hall and had heaps of fun. caught "interpreter" which was really cool, mind blowing. but yeah. we had like nearly 2hrs to waste in between. so we walked almost all of george street man. like from town hall to central, then back all the way past wynyard. lol. must've walked at like 5-7km man. gosh. anyway. it was good. amjad's like one of the few people i would call a friend over here. he's a champ, thank God.

yeah... well. okay. that was just yesterday? goodness. seems like it's been forever. ahhh! haha. okay. ummm. today started pretty good. i got like a 100% for math alright, praise God! but it's not counted, so yeah. pity. thing was, ext2 was bad and bio was last period. really disappointed myself bad there. so yeah... totally went downhill from that point. came home, really frustrated, like shouted and all that stuff. dunno. i was scaring myself as well, like some mental retard or something. i was like. okay. nvm.

but yeah. it just came to a point where i starting thinking abt myself. like my attitude and stuff. goodness, i'm the worst sinner in the world man - not even practicing what i preach. but yeah. why was i letting my results and all these things happening arnd me get the better of myself? for crying out loud! i was just having the most intimate quiet time with god the night before, and there i was asking why things were like that... the irony pierced me.

yeah. i just kept thinking abt stuff and sorta broke down, esp coz i was also really tired and everything. it's just that God's really been so gracious and ultimately wonderful to me, and all i seem to do is stuff thigns up and end up with my back on Him, without even considering how he feels when i do that to him. and yeah. i don't know. it makes it so much worse coz i keep telling myself to let God be in control and it works fine while i'm happy and fine but once i've hit a rock in the road, i just fall down and absorb myself in self-pity. it was there that i asked myself where the evidence of God in my life was if a non-believer saw me at that moment. and i guess, God doesn't really expect us to put up a brave front everytime we're greived either and like trust in him the way Job did. i guess all he wants is for us to come before him with all the pieces of our broken heart and let him heal us. to trust that no matter what's happened, His love is sufficient to see us through it, even if it's the darkest most horrible thing, he will still love us.

yeah. i don't know... i just feel that this week, i've learnt to surrender and really embrace God so much more. how awesome is that?

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

for God so loved the world...

2005-06-08T18:12:00.000+12:00

When you hear something once, sometimes it catches your ear.
The second time, you stop to think about it - maybe there's a reason you're hearing it again.
When the same thing is heard for the third time, you just about know the next word to the scentence.
If you ever hear the same thing four times, someone must want you to know something really well.
So, if you come across the same thing again, for the fifth time in one day , would it be divine?

4 times on radio(2 different stations at that) and once in a book today:
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." -John 3:16

woahhhh

2005-06-07T11:35:00.000+12:00

today's been really sweet man. like totally.

so. i had so much trouble getting to sleep last night coz i was just fully stressed out over my 2 math papers today. needless to say, i don't think i got a very good rest but what's worse is that i kinda overslept x(

i was fully rushing out! usually i leave the house at abt 8, but i wanted to leave earlier today coz my exam was first period. i usually catch either the 8.03, 8.09 or the 8.17 trains, the last two of which, usually gets me late for school. so since i had an exam, i was really worried that i was only leaving home at 8 on the dot. thing was, i ran up the hill and everything, only to walk the last stretch into the station and find a train just leaving.

so, i checked my watch and thought it was the 8.09 coz my watch is accordance to my school one and that runs faster. as i walked down to the platforms, i also see the next train is the 8.17 one and think i'm really really really messed up coz i would be SO late for an EXAM. so yeah. i started praying and praying. i was like, "God, you're in control here. please get me to my exam on time and like even if i don't, please give me the peace to know that you've got far greater plans"

who knows! the station's clockwas only 8.08 and the train i saw leaving was actually the 8.03. so i still had a chance that the sign was wrong and that the 8.07 would come in any time soon right? but yes. it got cancelled for today x(

so in the end i was still waiting for the 8.17 well, thank God that came on time. hahah. so yeah. hopped on and prayed so hard that there'd be a bus when i got to the other station. it's like a 5min bus ride or a 30min walk. the other option is to take a 5min bus ride to the girls' school and walk 10min, but i only had 10min between my arrival at the station and the start of my exam. i was really ultra worried, but trying not to get all flustered up at the same time. wanted to show that God was in control and stuff.

and well, prayers bring blessings. hahaha. as soon as i came out of the station, i ran to the bus stop, and my bus had just come in. so so so blessed i couldn't stop smiling. i even got to the exam on time, and managed to finish it dispite all my stress the night before! haha. it was really goood (:

yeah. and after that i had a period's break until my next exam, which was really simple. finished the paper in half the time and did it again, differentiating my answers for the integration questions and integrating them for the differentiation ones. haha!

yup! so after that i was really really happy. decided not to take the bus back home but go walk abt a bit. smiled at heaps of people along the way, it was heaps good. hahha. ended up walking all the way to the Sydney harbour! so yeah... i just sat arnd there for like 2hrs reading and spending some quiet time with God. it was awesome!

well, today was really sweet. hhahaha. i even had potato scallops! x)

me me. oh my my

2005-06-05T19:03:00.000+12:00

i want/hope/wish
to get these 4 more exams next week to get out of my way
to do well this exam block
to go out with diott
to go for the talk on the book of Revelations
to go shopping
to read more of the books i bought
to see sarah perform at the opera house
to go out with sarah
to campaign for sydney
to go visit tng in melbourne
to serve in church a bit more
my dad didn't have to travel so much
my bro gets into a selective school
we don't have to move again this year
to do good in the UMAT, HSC and my uni interviews
i don't have to move away for uni next year

i have
to really consider abt going into medicine
to start preparing for the UMAT
to start getting worried abt my trial exams
to start thinking abt uni

i need
you
an exercise plan
a study plan
to stick to the plans if i make them
to be more kind, patient, generous, faithful, sensitive, loving, sane, creative, gentle, supportive, self-controlled, more at peace
God to be in control of all these things... umm yeah. my life (:

What If

2005-06-03T19:49:00.000+12:00

What if I climbed that mountain
What if I swam to that shore
What if every battle was victorious then would you love me more?
Would you love me more?

What if I were everybody’s first choice
What if I went farther than before
What if I stood high above the rest then would you love me more?
Would you love me more?

You say I belong to You apart from the things I do
You say I belong to You I’m in awe of why You do
Why You do, why You do
I’m in awe of You, ooh

What if I ignored the hand that fed me
What if I forgot to confess
What if I stumbled down that mountain then would you love me less?
Lord would You love me less

What if I were everyone’s last choice
What if I mixed in with the rest
What if I failed what I passed before
then would you love me less Lord would you
would you love me less, oh no oh no oh no

What have I done to deserve Your son sent to die for me?
What can I give I want to live give me eyes to see
In a world that keeps changin’ there’s one thing that I know is true
Your love is stayin’ there’s nothing else I’ll hold onto

The way You love me, the way You do
The way You do, the way You love me, You love me, You love me
The way You do, the way You do, the way You love me
The way You love, You love, You love

rwahhh

2005-06-03T11:46:00.000+12:00

yayyy! i got 3/4 beaker of .5M nitric acid all over myself during chem prac today. grrrrr.... did you know aicds burn? hahahaha. well. thank God i didn't have any holes in my pants or anything. lol!

yes. ext2 math today was bad. easier than expected but still bad. i reckon i've got so much to catch up on once these exams are over man. and how unforgiving... the trials are like so soon. blehhh. and i've still got the UMAT to prepare for. grahhh!

okay. dennis, stop talking and go DO something. bleahvsdihv'oidbv sjdvb'd; f

happy happy joy joy

2005-06-02T16:09:00.000+12:00

oh yay. they've come, they've started and they're gonna end soon. i hope x(

well, despite it all, God works in amazing ways and you just know it (:

hahaha

2005-06-01T11:24:00.000+12:00

thank you!! x)

2005-06-01T09:34:00.000+12:00

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.

- 1 Thessalonians 4:16,17

shining*

2005-05-31T22:53:00.000+12:00

star light
star bright
first star i see tonight
i wish i may
i wish i might
have the wish
i wish tonight

tip of the day

2005-05-31T11:40:00.000+12:00

what a good start. haha.

well, usually before our exams, the school gives us a day off kinda like a "study day" it's on the condition that everyone turns up for classes all the way uptil study day, which is today. however, attendance today was really crap. haha. nearly all my classes were empty and everything. so.... my principal got kinda infurated and declared that our study day before our next exams are to be revoked. in addition to that, she told all the teachers to "reward" the students who actually turned up today and give us exam tips for this coming week or so. hahhaha.

it was so funny. my physics teacher walked into the class with sheets of paper stuck inbetween the pages of our textbook and asked everyone to gather around coz he brought the exam paper in and didn't want us to tell anyone! so we stupidly crowded arnd and he revealed the last 4 pages of our exam - the periodic table and all the standard values which are on the back of every physics exam. lol. the whole class got tricked man x(

but yes. it's worth sticking arnd in school. hahaha. at least you don't risk your hair getting cut as well. lol.

if only we saw through each other's eyes

a choice to believe

2005-05-30T18:02:00.000+12:00

love goes beyond knowing
it goes beyond feeling
love is abt the trusting
love is abt faith

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 1 John 4

blackcurrents with sunflower seeds

2005-05-30T12:05:00.000+12:00

something's not working out here.

i spend so much time on my ext2 math and my physics and it's not that i don't know my stuff, but it's just so frustrating when i can't do the questions! what's pissing me off even more is that i've still got so many other subjects to study for. and my morale's just hitting the rocks man. this sucks. blehh.

anyway, i brought one of my books to go study out in the garden today and jason followed taking a story book of his. it was really cool. haha. after a while, we started playing ball and stuff which was really fun. maybe less for me, but it really made me extremely happy to see him so happy and excited. hahaha. it's like that night, i just went to his room and had a good chat with him. it's so different when you're really engaged with one another, rather than just living in the same place. after these exams, i've got a list of things i wanna do man. one of them's to spend more time with my bro =)

you make it easy to fall in love (:

the words left unsaid

2005-05-29T12:19:00.000+12:00

.

.

random happenings of today

2005-05-28T00:15:00.000+12:00

today... i got up like 20mins late and ran for all my worth to the station. boy, i'm really unfit man. hahaha

today... was really cold. while waiting for the bus, a group of us(guys) were talking when all of a sudden, Amjad said, "com'n, it's too cold. group hug! let's warm up, group hug!" and everyone just looked at each other, leaving our hands in our pockets. hahaha.

today... i had a bananna.

today... chem teacher wasn't in school (: haha. went to do math in the library instead.

today... we were learning about superconductors in physics and my teacher had all these diagrams on the board. he was so busy explaining stuff that he shortened his labels, putting "supercon." for superconductors. a friend of mine looks up, misreads the label and goes, "super cow?!" Without thinking, i instanteously blurt out, "Where!??"

today... i played handball during lunch.

today... the train just stopped at gordon station for like 10mins for no reason at all. some kids at the back were like, "is time standing still?"

today... i am so tired. i feel like i'm gonna just lie on my bed and sleep till 4pm tmr.

but!! my exams are so soon =((((

Wed - English 1, English 2
Thu - Chem Prac, Ext2 Math
Fri - Physics , Biology
Mon - Ext1 Math, Math
Wed - Bio Speech, Chemistry

then again, tng! i may be going down for the long weekend!! =)

snip snip

2005-05-26T13:39:00.000+12:00

my hair got snippedd! x(